• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 3392 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Facebook and issues with not having lived the life many seem to have lived.

AlwaysIS

I try not to look at FB too much, but due to fully knowing  i am different (diagnosed officially 2018) im 51-52 in july this year!

This isnt a violin sessions but ive had a pretty awful life....from my own hands and others.

I like to think that had i had guidance and known i was Autistic way back...i wouldnt have ended up being so isolated.

Had a major breakdown after leaving school....this coincided with my parents break up ,i was 17yrs old)(just to briefly mention, they really did mental abuse me, and my father physically) they always said i was strange and would end up alone...they really did, YET they never once took me to a specialist.

So around 1986 i self harmed and was sections for 2 weeks....even the A&E guy said" dont admit yourself.....youll regret it ," i sense he knew i was crazy, but had some kind of condtion.

I could go on and on, but ive literally had no friends since school(in truth, i should never have been in a mainstream school)....other than partners one 10yrs and the other 18yrs(both were conveniences and in truth, it was for isolated company...i desperately wanted to try and be normal and really shouldnt have had  children though i love them very much....i made things far worse by trying to fit in.

im now living alone in a Bungalow after my recent separation and ,my son is also Autistic(had Adhd,vacant seizures,Epilepsy) and a daughter.

They do not contact me, but i go over to them once a week..

Now the reason i mention Facebook, is i can see many people i knew from school..ALL having a great time(im certainly not saying theyve had easy lives) but the sheer fact that theyre all in groups, holidaying together....Family meals, outings etc!

Yet ive never had this as i was fully ostracized by anyone i knew(including especially my family) since 1986....Other than my partners from 1990-2018  ,,,,ive technically only known 2 peoples within 30 yrs...

I also know that much of facebook in some senses is illusionary ...a picture doesnt always tell the facts....as i see my family on there all smiling yet i know what they have all said about eachother...

Im not totally sure why i've posted this, but im in a bit of a muddle with keep looking at FB from time to time as in my mind..im just ruminating at how odd i am and just feel a bit loathsome at present

Parents

  • Given your age, if you are female you might also want to consider you could be going through the peri-menopause. I have read this can cause a worsening of autistic sensitivities etc and it can cause depression and stuff in NT women.

    Some people (male or female) also experience that they call a 'mid-life crisis' where they seem to change all their beliefs, be able to 'see through people' or feel they are unhappy/cheated out of life or regret past decisions for other reasons.

    Been in lockdown probably hasn't helped either, particuarly if you've found it stressful (having to cope with new rules in shops etc when you've had to go for food or running out of food cos no delivery slot available for weeks or months).

    Facebook ruined a past friendship for me. People used to tell you important stuff in person now they just announce everything on FB to save them time. ..then to rub it in further they tag the people they told before they posted...and if you weren't one of them and never got the message then hey I guess...  you're no longer on their 'besties list' (with no idea of what you did wrong).

Reply Children
No Data