Where in Great Britain offers local N.H.S. support for adults?

Hello, Somebody, and welcome to the forums.

I'm afraid this is a common story. Despite the government having an Autism Act, the UK government are putting very few resources into support for autistic adults who live independently. It's almost like autism is a dead-end diagnosis. The vast majority of mental health services have no understanding of autism and in my experience can be actively harmful. You're extremely unlikely to find an autism-specialist psychologist for example, and many therapists make neurotypical assumptions which are both mistaken and can make you feel deficient. You do well if you can find someone who just takes you as you are and acknowledges that they don't understand completely. (That doesn't necessarily mean mental health services are of no value at all in a crisis.)

It seems all the diagnosis gives you is an entitlement to reasonable adjustments under the Equality Act as regards employment or services; if you're in work you can also claim Access to Work to pay for some help, such as mentoring. My thoughts would be: does your local authority have an autism social worker? It's just possible they may be able to help with practical problems and also be linked to occupational therapy services. Another option is to try to push for services at a policy level: have you tried contacting the local Healthwatch? If you can also find other autistic adults locally, there is power in numbers and you are helping each other: you wouldn't necessarily need to meet face-to-face, if that's what made the support group useless.

Well done on getting the food delivery sorted and keep safe.

I think the problem is I do not technically have any needs, in the sense I can take care of myself to any kind of minimum threshold sense.

Not having being diagnosed as a child I never got any help to learn how to function socially.  I never know what to say to people, my mind is just blank and I have nothin to say.  The times when I do have something to say I never know when I am supposed to speak.  I am very socially phobic so tend to avoid situations, as I go through a lot of anxiety leading up to them and usually take several days to recover after.

I am a little bit agoraphobic and so never used to do supermarket shopping online, as doing it in person gave me a reason to go out else the longer I stay indoors the more difficult it would be to go out.  Although I started riding a motorcycle, which is the only thing that helps keep my mind clear, so I did eventually gain another reason.

But having to rely on shopping this way has taught me I do not like online supermarkets anyway, not only are the ranges smaller than my local supermarkets but there is no structure to it like there is walking up and down the aisles.  They are also the easiest shops for me as I can be left alone, smaller shops are a lot more pressure.

I am not terrified of the moment that shielding will end because it will mean having to deal with other people.  I also have some medical problems that probably are too serious to wait until then, but I am more afraid of having to talk on the phone, having to stand up for myself (I do not cope well with creating or being in situations where there may be disagreement), and then having to go out.

There is a specific reason why I am afraid, but it is not technically due to autism so I will only explain that if anyone wants me to.

Basically I would say the help I need is being taught how to be a person and interact with other people.  I also struggle with motivation but I think the former will fix that.  The brief time I was in a relationship I functioned a lot better.  Probably in part because they could handle a lot of the social interaction for me, but they made me happy (which I had never been before or since) and they also gave me a purpose.

So I have already been rejected by social workers and the community mental health service as I do not fit within the specific areas that they work.  So it seems something specialist is what I need.  I find it very strange that the various medical service will not allow me to kill myself, yet will not do anything to help me to live.

Incidentally, last year I had to do another work capability assessment, and despite the reputation of them, the person I spoke to appeared to understand my situation better than anyone else I had spoken to.  They even told me how some things I thought not relevant were affecting me in that context.

I can relate to a lot of that, particularly from when I was in my 20s. I think the 'medical problems', your obstacles sorting those, and your unhappiness both imply unmet needs, although not necessarily needs related to autism.

I function better if I'm in a relationship or have people around me too, even though most of my interests are solitary.

Help in how to 'function' socially (distinct from trying to make us conform) would have been useful for me too. In my opinion, without such help from eg classes, social worker or occupational therapist, I think there are two things I managed to do for myself with a lot of difficulty. (I never managed to have a relationship until I was in my late 20s.) Firstly, deliberately gaining experience; secondly, deliberately extending self-acceptance. The experience involved taking up any social offers I got, and trying to find diverse situations I could learn from even if I was uncomfortable. The self-acceptance is partly from distracting from thinking about my own problems, and also disclosing a bit more about myself to others than I would like. After years, I eventually became more comfortable around people and much less scared of them. I had masses to say in my  mental 'back-catalogue', but at first nothing seemed appropriate.

So if I may suggest anything, it's to keep trying lots of different things, including finding sources of support.

I have read that old thread now, but I do not relate to it as I have never needed to explore or researched my gender.

My first clear memory or knowing that my body was wrong was a time in school when I was feeling that I needed to hide my thoughts about it. I have few memories at all from my early childhood, so I have no memory of wondering or questioning it.  Nor have I ever had any doubt over whether it is my mind or my body which is wrong.

It is just something I have known all my life with total certainty.  It is the only thing I have ever known about myself without needing help from others.  I only know my sexuality because I was told, which is partly because it was something I had never needed to think about previously.  And I had to be told to talk to a doctor about depression which is why I thought that was what was wrong with me before being told something I was describing about myself sounded like autism.

I suppose because you have to fit into a gender to be in society, so it is something you cannot avoid and have to address it.  Maybe for most people this just happens subconsciously because there is no contradiction for it to consciously register. Even people who identify as non-binary have to fit into a gender in society, even if they keep changing between them.  Such as having to go into boy or girl classes for P.E. and buy boy or girl clothes.

But that might be why it is something I knew without help.  And probably my autistic way of thinking about it logically just meant I came to a clear and obvious conclusion without having to experience doubt like other people.  Probably I was also too disconnected from the normal social world to think that because I did not fit with the rest of the world that maybe I was wrong because I am supposed to fit in with it.  Though I did think there was something wrong with me, but instead it was that I did not belong in this body.

To keep to the topic of my thread though, obviously if I can move then access to a gender clinic would be important.  But I knew not to ask about that as I know they are all very bad.

I do think I was born at the wrong time.  Asperger's Syndrome only really started to be diagnosed in the early 1980s, and so both higher functions forms of autism and gender dysphoria were not widely known or understood at the time to be picked up.  Although I eventually left the G.P. who I asked for an autism referral after they told me they do not understand autism to be able to help me.  That was in 2007.

Although I have joined motorcycle and photography forums but have not found them as comfortable or as friendly as previous ones from which I have met people.  That is what made me realize that the way I used to get to know people no longer exists.  I would not be able to just attend an in-person group with people I do not know.  To be able to do that is the sort of thing for which I want specialist help.

And I understand what you mean about needs now, and I think you are right.  The time I was in a relationship was the only time I have been happy and would have chosen to be alive rather than die if I were given the choice.  It was only when the relationship ended that I discovered I did not have any friends, because in it I never needed them.  And though my dysphoria was still a problem, it was something I was managing better.  So it is probably that enough of my needs were being met that I could cope with ones which were not.  Although I suppose some of them may have still become problems later on had they had the chance.

I will look at that thread, thank you.

I do think I was born at the wrong time.  Asperger's Syndrome only really started to be diagnosed in the early 1980s, and so both higher functions forms of autism and gender dysphoria were not widely known or understood at the time to be picked up.  Although I eventually left the G.P. who I asked for an autism referral after they told me they do not understand autism to be able to help me.  That was in 2007.

Although I have joined motorcycle and photography forums but have not found them as comfortable or as friendly as previous ones from which I have met people.  That is what made me realize that the way I used to get to know people no longer exists.  I would not be able to just attend an in-person group with people I do not know.  To be able to do that is the sort of thing for which I want specialist help.

And I understand what you mean about needs now, and I think you are right.  The time I was in a relationship was the only time I have been happy and would have chosen to be alive rather than die if I were given the choice.  It was only when the relationship ended that I discovered I did not have any friends, because in it I never needed them.  And though my dysphoria was still a problem, it was something I was managing better.  So it is probably that enough of my needs were being met that I could cope with ones which were not.  Although I suppose some of them may have still become problems later on had they had the chance.

I will look at that thread, thank you.