Imposter Syndrome Still Waiting On Assessment

Hi all,

I'm a 34 year old man and a couple of years ago I was convinced by a few family members and my partner at the time to see my GP to request an autism assessment. I have had various OCD and tick traits as well as other autism related symptoms which I was both unaware of and mask at times (apparently unsuccessfully both at home and at work). My personal reasons for seeing my GP were for help with the OCD, ticks, and social difficulties causing me stress but I was encouraged to go for the autism assessment as these are usually linked to ASD.

It took a lot to admit I was struggling with these things and that help would be good but I've had a lot of trouble with even getting on the waiting list. In short, it took four attempts over the space of over a year for two GP surgeries to submit a successful referral.

The first referral I'm convinced they thought I was asking for it for some weird career gain from the odd statements they were making about autism looking good for some tech companies and then their referral was severely lacking in supporting evidence (which I had thoroughly presented with a colour coded Excel spreadsheet of my priority issues) and was rejected soon after because of this.

The second and third referrals I insisted on sending a copy of my spreadsheet with the referral letter and the GP at the new surgery was much more supportive. After a few months with each of those attempts and my repeated chasing they conceded the referrals had been lost and the referral process had to start again. The fourth time was only successful after I personally chased the third referral and found out the GP surgery had been sending the referrals to a centre around 50 miles away which was the incorrect centre AND the correct centre was actually 2 miles down the road from my GP surgery.

After the final successful referral, I was put on the waiting list which was near the start of this year and told this centre has a waiting list of about a year (I had heard similar initially but that time would've been up by now if the first referral had gone through).

The problem I really have is that after initially giving in and admitting I need support I feel left out on my own to deal with things as since the initial referral I also now live on my own (pros and cons) and it feels there's no sign of support any time soon.

Some people have told me to seek out recommended coping methods but I feel foolish doing so without an official diagnosis. I strongly feel (or even know) I have multiple OCD traits, multiple tourettes traits, and social anxiety issues but I feel like a fraud self diagnosing despite the potential it might help me.

Another reason for the diagnosis is to give me the freedom to mask less  (especially the ticks as they stress me out suppressing) because I can explain I have a medical diagnosis.

I really do feel stuck and a little bit hopeless especially with the lockdown and friends/family can only give limited support. Any advice would be helpful please even if it's not feeling alone in this position.

  • Same here. Twice in relationship therapy and once in CBT. Talk of anger management. I had to get to the bottom of it because I didn't feel like I was generally an angry person.

    I've just started my journey but if I get told the waiting time is many months away, I'll just go private.

  • Thank you. This is pretty much where I'm at. I've gone through so many different counsellors in the past dealing with "curing" various issues and having very limited success. It just feels a little pointless carrying on if it's part of a bigger thing.

    In some ways, it almost felt a little easier when I was trying to ignore it being a "thing" because now I'm second guessing everything.

  • It’s difficult, isn’t it? 

    NHS wait can be very long and it really takes a toll. I’m on a waiting list since 2017 and I was supposed to be assessed this year but I might not be because of Covid19. 

    I’ve considered private route but I was afraid to spent £1000 and be told I’m not on the spectrum. Especially that initially I was told that NHS waiting list is 12 months. Then it changed to 18 months and then 3 years. And now to the unknown. 

    At some point I’ve almost decided to go private but then I thought: what if I’ll get the NHS letter tomorrow? Or next week? I’ll wait, just a bit longer.

    I feel like imposter. After referral I’ve stopped counselling sessions. And gave up joining any clubs and meeting new people. I’ve thought I need to know first. And then adjust accordingly. That I need to know before I seek counselling again because the counsellor needs to know. That I can’t join any social autism groups because I might not be on the spectrum. But I can’t join any other social groups because I might be. 

    I’ve made myself miserable. I’ve dedicated 3 years of my life wondering if I’m on the spectrum or not, waiting for one answer, analysing my thoughts and behaviours and still not knowing for sure, still doubting, needing to be 100% sure.

    My anxiety is worse than ever before. I feel awful. I’ve lost joy of life. I’m just waiting. Even though I now that the answer I’ve been waiting for so long won’t magically change anything. I will be left with anxiety/depression. 

    I just want to say that it really might take a toll on your mental health. I thought that because I’ve lived over 30 years without an answer I’m going to be fine waiting few more months (or years) but it turned out not to be as easy as I thought. So be kind to yourself, seek some help if you can, or at least try. Good luck.

  • I'm actually on the flip side and I've already gone through the initial AQ and EQ scores twice which confirmed the presence of traits indicating chance of autism. I'm waiting on the full assessment at this point which sounds like it's cost varies a lot. I think maybe I should at least find out some details.

    I also don't want to spend a tonne and then get the NHS appointment through tomorrow so I might try to get an indication of wait time from now before paying for anything.

  • That's a good point with the stress regardless of the results actually. Maybe I should look into it a bit more then. Thank you.

  • Well when I had my private assessment, I had an initial consultation ( ~£275 ) and they reviewed my AQ and EQ scores and other questionnaires to decide whether they thought it was worth having a full assessment. In my case they did and cost me £1750.

    Previous to all this, I had a consultation with a private Psychiatrist (~£300), he diagnosed me with Aspergers but recommended that I have a full assessment which I did Slight smile

    So, maybe to could pay for the initial consultation and maybe use that to pursue the NHS path?

  • Yes I tried my company health cover and they didn't either. If you can afford it I would go for it, if it's making you this anxious. You're going to stress either way, as it seems like your current predicament isn't a winning situation either.

  • I heard it was around that much but I would end up stressing about the finances so it's a lose/lose. Plus there is still the worry that for some reason I'll test negative and I'll have wasted money after that first rejection. I tried also using my company's health plan but they don't cover it either.

  • Can you afford to go down the private route? I sought some quotes recently and it's circa £1k. Might be an option if it's mainly for your own peace of mind?