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Relationships and dating as an autistic person

Ash

I wanted to reach out and ask... how have people found the world of dating? Or those who have had relationships or are in one, how did it actually happen for you?

My dating history hasn’t been great so far and especially with me being of an age where lots of my friends are getting married, buying houses together and having kids, it adds to my anxiety that my life is basically stuck at the start. I don’t live in a great location for social opportunities and realistically I’m going to have a partner 40 miles away but I am ok with that. Some friends have suggested to move away to widen my pool of people but I really don’t think I could cope with that since it would be a massive change and right now I need a lot of family support.

Obviously while the coronavirus is a thing physically meeting people is going to be tricky but me and my mum both agree that there’s no reason why me and a date couldn’t just sit in a park at a distance from each other and chat. It isn’t a complete blocker. But in the current climate I think dating sites are really the only way forward, though I am open to suggestions.

So far I’ve registered on two, which my mum has been great supporting me with as I lack confidence. Not sure if I’m allowed to mention them but I have serious doubts about them. One has so few people on it and the people I’ve been matched with don’t seem very active. The other seems more active generally but there are few people near me and there’s no way of telling when they were last on, and wouldn’t be surprised if they are not active themselves.

There seems to be so few quality sites set up for autistic people and I’m nervous about entering the mainstream ones. Or needn’t I be? I really want to be with someone who understands me and I think definitely that common ground of autism has to be a good thing?

I also wondered about the agency they use on The Undateables, but wonder how useful this would be in the current climate (really wish this virus would go away!!!). Any thoughts, anyone?

Parents

  • I haven’t been on this forum for a while and thought it would be a good time to come back since we are all going through this pandemic. While browsing all recent posts your post kept catching my eye. I thought it would be good to tell you about my experiences with relationships.

    My name is Amy and I am 25 years old (26 in November). I feel the same as your do, that people who you knew have starting relationships, gotten married, moved house and had kids and that you feel like you haven’t done anything with your life? That’s how I feel all the time, I only have a couple of online friends (who I haven’t met) but have been best friends for years. When it came to my relationships they were short because I would panic because our relationship lasting (my longest relationship last nearly 1 month, only because it was long distance). With online dating sites I avoid, I have had very bad experiences with guys using me, wanting pictures etc and it was hard to understand what was funny etc. 
    You have done more than me, I am still living at home because I know I wouldn’t be able to cope living on my own. I haven’t been in a relationship in years, I have no job etc. It’s really difficult to look for someone at this time with this whole pandemic thing, especially when you have to be so far away from people when your meeting.
    I have sort of accepted that I probably be on my own and eventually have my own dogs etc. I don’t really go out and big crowds make me nervous and if I don’t know an area I have a panic attack. My advice would be just follow your heart, If you feel ready to go out and meet, start up a friendships and maybe more then go ahead. I know at this time it will be difficult build relationships but hopefully this virus disappears soon and we can all get back to a normal life x

  • in reply to AmyLR94

    Thanks so much - it’s nice to know there are other people out there like me. It was helpful to read about your experiences, It’s been an emotional month or so with my entire life making sense all of a sudden and I desperately want this yet with autism and this pandemic it all feels unachievable. Feel free to reach out with a friend request if you feel like it would help to have another online friend to relate to.

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  • in reply to AmyLR94

    Thanks so much - it’s nice to know there are other people out there like me. It was helpful to read about your experiences, It’s been an emotional month or so with my entire life making sense all of a sudden and I desperately want this yet with autism and this pandemic it all feels unachievable. Feel free to reach out with a friend request if you feel like it would help to have another online friend to relate to.

Children
  • in reply to Ash

    Your very welcome! It is a big relief and all this sudden emotion when you find out and understand why you are the way you are. With this whole pandemic, I think it is a lot more difficult for people like us who wants to try and get out of our comfort zone but can’t.

    I wouldn’t mind sending a friend request, it would be nice to speak to someone who can relate the same as me x