• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 83 subscribers
  • Views 3011 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

How can I help him?

NAS67035

Does any one have any tips or advice on how I can help my boyfriend when he is struggling? 

When he faces any kind of problem he just shuts me out. I understand that due to his aspergers he likes to be alone and close off from the world to help him cope. He also mentioned before he doesn't like me to see him stressed because it embarrasses him.

But he has even stopped letting me know via text message what the issues are so I can help. He deals with things alone every time and shuts himself away until he has resolved things. If he does tell me a problem and I offer any kind of advice or help he then just ignores me (but if I dont respond offering help surely he will think I dont care?)

He has made comments in the past about not wanting to use up any of my time, and if I ever do help he always seems overly grateful. E.g his car broke once so I lent him mine for one journey and he brought me a gift just to say thank you and didnt stop telling me how much I helped him. When to me helping him with something so small was just a normal action. 

I'm just really worried as he is currently dealing with some major stress and things around him are falling apart. His car broke, he lost his job, he is being chased by debt collectors and he has an upcoming court case for something too (nothing bad he has done but he is still terrified). Things are getting worse and I hate just watching it all happen to him while he is sat alone depressed, when what I really want to do is just hug him and tell him it will be ok. And I could actually resolve a lot of things for him rather than them be getting worse while he ignores them. But I dont know how to help. Do I need to just leave him alone? 

Parents

  • tell him u  will accompany him into court as a friend/mentor role. Tell the court he is autistic before hand if u can ( walk into the court as soon as u can and talk to the staff ). In short make sure he turns up.  Yes , i think give him more space  --- where is his mum ? dad ?  siblings ? ask him these questions if u dont know,,,,,  they may be able to help u help him in a team effort. 

    keep up the good work. 

  • in reply to aidie

    I tried offering to go to court before or even just walking him in to the buildin . But he said he wouldn't be able to handle that and would prefer to go alone. He doesnt like any one to see him when anxious. He is already in trouble for missing court, he had a panic attack outside and ran off. His solicitor is aware so hopefully they will help him. I just hate not being able to do anything in the mean time and worry about his mental health while he is shutting himself away. His family wont help, they dont understand his aspergers and see him as selfish etc

Reply
  • in reply to aidie

    I tried offering to go to court before or even just walking him in to the buildin . But he said he wouldn't be able to handle that and would prefer to go alone. He doesnt like any one to see him when anxious. He is already in trouble for missing court, he had a panic attack outside and ran off. His solicitor is aware so hopefully they will help him. I just hate not being able to do anything in the mean time and worry about his mental health while he is shutting himself away. His family wont help, they dont understand his aspergers and see him as selfish etc

Children
No Data