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Post diagnosis roller-coaster!

#SorryNotSorry

I was newly diagnosed in 5 months ago (38F)

I had only really even considered myself to be autistic only a year ago after (what I now know) was my first ever meltdown... I literally imploded and thought I'd had a breakdown. 

Upon googling, I stumbled across a females account of her own meltdown and had a truly Eureka moment. I instantly knew. 

I suffered really bad with imposter syndrome before my assessment and was worried I'd mask too well!

I was initially delighted (and relieved) with my diagnosis as it finally helped me understand why I did all the weird and quirk stuff I did and explained alot about why I do certain things and behave in certain ways.

Then came the sadness of how different (easier) my life could have been if I had been diagnosed earlier and sadness due all the things I'd put off doing that I might have done if I'd understood exactly why I was putting them off

Im now at the stage where I'm trying to piece  together which parts of 'me' are my autism and what's just my personality. Which parts I can maybe change and what I probably can't.

Can anyone relate?

Parents

  • Hi there

    i understand completely how you feel! I was diagnosed last year at 22 yrs old and felt angry and I didn’t believe I really had autism. I remember my parents telling me it doesn’t matter but to me it felt like my whole identity changed. I think I refused to accept the diagnosis because I spent all my life masking so well I didn’t realise it (if that makes sense!). I went to counselling to figure out what was autism and what was me and I do sometimes struggle to accept it. I understand you absolutely it can be a relief to get a diagnosis but also confusing especially when being diagnosed as an adult 

Reply

  • Hi there

    i understand completely how you feel! I was diagnosed last year at 22 yrs old and felt angry and I didn’t believe I really had autism. I remember my parents telling me it doesn’t matter but to me it felt like my whole identity changed. I think I refused to accept the diagnosis because I spent all my life masking so well I didn’t realise it (if that makes sense!). I went to counselling to figure out what was autism and what was me and I do sometimes struggle to accept it. I understand you absolutely it can be a relief to get a diagnosis but also confusing especially when being diagnosed as an adult 

Children
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