• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 80 subscribers
  • Views 1410 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

What to tell people

Ladybird

Question: how can I warn/prepare people to be around me? 

I’m going to meet some new people (new coworkers) and I’m really anxious. 

I know from experience that I don’t make good first (or second) impression. 

I could tell them that I’m shy but I’m worried that my body language will tell them otherwise as I often come across as somewhat aggressive and rude. 

I could tell them I’m not a people’s person but it’s not exactly true as I’m quite friendly inside but aloof outside.

I could tell them that that I’m not good with people. Or that I’m not comfortable with the new people. Or I’m not good at talking to people. 

Or maybe something else but I don’t know what. 

Something not too off putting but something that would explain why I won’t be exactly warm and chatty and all smiling-friendly. 

Even if I like someone. 

That my preferred kind of interaction is some kind of parallel interaction. Without really talking and interacting but working alongside (but I prefer to work alone) but it doesn’t mean I don’t like someone or that I’m angry. 

And that I’ll keep to myself but at the same time I’m really happy to be included.

That I’m walking contradiction.

I could tell them nothing but from experience I know that it will make me an outsider within a week. 

So not much to lose.

I’ve tried to google some ideas but I failed to find a good answer (maybe it’s not the problem with the lack of answers but with not asking the right questions)

It’s recurring problem because either I alienate myself or wait few weeks and get ostracised by the others.

Parents

  • I can't claim to be a resounding success at this, but here's a couple of suggestions.. 

    Before this meeting thingy takes place, get yourself in the best possible mindset, think about some of the great characteristics of You. This is to avoid projections of your low self esteem or perceived weaknesses on those around you when you feel vulnerable.  Talk to the mirror, warm up your face. 

    What I've done at work is skip over mentioning the Autism. But then talk to people as if you had told them. Don't refer to the A itself but if someone suggests, for example, a team bonding abseiling and whiskey tasting class, just say, that's not my thing. Or you can say, I'm the type of person that warms up slowly to people, or I'm not at my best in these situations. That way, you are not choosing to be a particular way with a particular person, you are just being authenticly you.

    Maybe something could be of some use to you.i hope for the best. 

Reply

  • I can't claim to be a resounding success at this, but here's a couple of suggestions.. 

    Before this meeting thingy takes place, get yourself in the best possible mindset, think about some of the great characteristics of You. This is to avoid projections of your low self esteem or perceived weaknesses on those around you when you feel vulnerable.  Talk to the mirror, warm up your face. 

    What I've done at work is skip over mentioning the Autism. But then talk to people as if you had told them. Don't refer to the A itself but if someone suggests, for example, a team bonding abseiling and whiskey tasting class, just say, that's not my thing. Or you can say, I'm the type of person that warms up slowly to people, or I'm not at my best in these situations. That way, you are not choosing to be a particular way with a particular person, you are just being authenticly you.

    Maybe something could be of some use to you.i hope for the best. 

Children
No Data