Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I am a 29 year old man and I always thought I was different. I struggle to socialise, have intense specific interests that change frequently, I love numbers and facts, I dont like change, I am often described as overly logical and emotionless, I like to tap rythmically and rub my teeth with my hands alot even in public, I hate phone calls and emails and just avoid them, I eat the same foods daily, I hate crowds and loud noises, I am all or nothing kind of guy, I struggle to tell if people are serious or joking etc. I have several times been asked by stangers if I am autistic. My partner and friend have for years told me they thought I was autistic, I brushed it off thinking I was just a strange guy.
Alot of these traits help me preform in my work but as I have become older they have affected my personal life more and more. I have very little friends and have no idea how to maintain or make new ones, my relationships have become strained because of this. Despite being better educated, more academic and better perfromers at my work place my lack of social skills has lead me to fall behind in work. I have felt more aniexty towards these things and daily life, particularly social interaction. I find myself increasingly exhausted with the complex rules of normal life and only really feeling myself reading my books or examining my collections in my room alone.
I do not have very good emotional intelligence, I am rarely self aware of my own feelings and why they are there. Often I will not feel emotions when other people would or much delayed after an incident. As things were getting worse I mustered my courage and I spoke with my partner about this. She and my friend asked me to take something called a AQ(Autism spectrum quotient), ASSQ (Autism spectrum screenign questionaire) and EQ (Empathy Quoteint) test for autsim off the website https://psychology-tools.com/ which i basically got top marks indicating autism on all of them. I am not sure how accurate these are so I asked them to take it too. They scored the opposite of me, so I asked them to help me with the test incase I had answer wrong and again I got top marks. This led me to watch some videos on youtube by Aspergers from the inside about autistic peoples experiences and how to tell if you have it. I found it resonated with me alot.
I would love to find out if I have autism for sure and speak to a doctor, but I have doubts. I live a fairly normal life and work as a police officer. I cant possibly do these things and have autism surely? I am just so unsure if I am just blowing this out of portion and trying to find a label for my strangness or potentially other disorders. I dont want to waste a doctors time or have them not believe me and i certianly dont want to pursue a diagonsis for no reason as it would surely effect my job.
Does anyone know how accurate these test are? and if there is a way to tell if i am just blowing this all out of portion?
Thanks guys.
Hello mate,
Brilliant post. I can totally relate to pretty much everything you’ve just said. I’m in a similar position. I have always managed to live a “normal” sort of life. Able to work etc... but I’ve always felt different to my friends and colleagues. I haven’t had a diagnosis either, but the more I’m finding out about autism, the more I’ve practically self diagnosed myself. I think it’s probably still better to get an official assessment though. And that’s probably what I’d like to do. I’ve also done the online test not sure how accurate they are either, but the one’s I did, because I did more than one all indicated that it’s likely I’m autistic, and should see someone about it. The trouble is, the waiting list after seeing your GP is about two years apparently. But with your line of work, they may be able to fast track you, or send you private?
I’ve thought quite in depth about whether it’s better to self diagnose myself or get a proper assessment. And I personally think I would benefit from a proper assessment, because I feel it would give me peace of mind. Plus it would also explain a lot of things in my life. You definitely won’t be wasting your doctors time. But what I’ve learned is, it might be a good Idea to write a list down of your main traits to take with you. Because the GP will probably want to know quite a bit of information before they refer you. Hope this was helpful