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Do I Give Off Signs That Neurotypicals Notice?

NAS61891

I think I may make neurotypical people uncomfortable even though I've seen them as a stranger for less than a minute.

I've noticed that if I'm out walking, a stranger will say hi to my wife but "ignore" me. When I'm at work, a new client will meet me and a colleague for the very first time, and immediately they'll strike up a conversation, and even when that conversation is three way, they'll keep looking at my colleague, and don't attempt to look in my direction. I'm doing my best to force eye contact, but it matters not, as they aren't even looking my way at any stage.

If I've been around someone a while I might understand, and I'd be trying to get away from the conversation, or looking down all the time, or avoiding eye contact, but this avoidance by them happens in a moment.

The other day I was parked up in the countryside. There were three cars. This couple walked past me to ask another chap for directions.

I seem to be the last person people sit next to on a bus.

And yet other people who I get to know well will say; you're autistic, I'd have never guessed.

It might be me, not them, but there's something in those split second encounters which is passing on some keep away message; whether it's my expression, or something beyond my explanation, I really don't know.

Parents

  • I know that. I'm 55y/o & am just starting to self diagnosing (Aspie). Do you also do room clearance? enter a room or go in a (not too crowded) pub & within 5-10 mins either the room is empty or there's a circle of empty chairs around you. My conclusion (well before I thought about ASD) was that NT's (new term to me & one I find funny) can't read me. This is the body language / no verbal communication thing. I don't know how to interpret & & pretty sure can't transmit. Some (NT) people seem more affected by this than others. I've not worked a lot with other people like in a office or anywhere, but in other situations I've had what you describe, like you're invisible.

    Other observations/ conclusions are: 1) The NT's probably aren't doing this deliberately. 2) They're also probably unaware they're doing it at all. 3) For me this maybe down to masking from a very early age. I don't know how I acquired this but I've always been aware of a prime directive - reveal nothing. If people know stuff about you it will eventually be used to hurt you (emotionally). Either intentionally or through thoughtlessness. My mum said many times that she could always tell what my brother was thinking but never me.

    I regard this as a thing inherent in me. It's not a case of me doing anything that says 'keep away' it's a case that I'm NOT doing normal non verbal protocols. I don't know if anything can be done to improve matters but understanding why it happens may help. Working that out did help me as I then stopped trying to 'fit in' resulting in me not stressing & I was more relaxed. Relaxed is something I'm sure NT's pick up on as a positive thing.

    People not guessing you're autistic - probably means either/and/or they don't know anything about autism, only know the stereotyped behaviors, can't be bothered to find out.

    As also says this can flag you as different & therefore a target for bullies. Though in some cases I think what passes to the victim as bullying is attempts by NT's to integrate you in to their social group. A sort of right of passage but because us ND's haven't a clue what's going on we're just damaged by it. I would stress this is only in some instances. There's plenty of other times when it's just plain burn the witch.

    These are my observations over the last 50yrs though most of the realisation has been in the last 10-15. They're not proven data but as a premiss it has helped me. Hope it helps you.

Reply

  • I know that. I'm 55y/o & am just starting to self diagnosing (Aspie). Do you also do room clearance? enter a room or go in a (not too crowded) pub & within 5-10 mins either the room is empty or there's a circle of empty chairs around you. My conclusion (well before I thought about ASD) was that NT's (new term to me & one I find funny) can't read me. This is the body language / no verbal communication thing. I don't know how to interpret & & pretty sure can't transmit. Some (NT) people seem more affected by this than others. I've not worked a lot with other people like in a office or anywhere, but in other situations I've had what you describe, like you're invisible.

    Other observations/ conclusions are: 1) The NT's probably aren't doing this deliberately. 2) They're also probably unaware they're doing it at all. 3) For me this maybe down to masking from a very early age. I don't know how I acquired this but I've always been aware of a prime directive - reveal nothing. If people know stuff about you it will eventually be used to hurt you (emotionally). Either intentionally or through thoughtlessness. My mum said many times that she could always tell what my brother was thinking but never me.

    I regard this as a thing inherent in me. It's not a case of me doing anything that says 'keep away' it's a case that I'm NOT doing normal non verbal protocols. I don't know if anything can be done to improve matters but understanding why it happens may help. Working that out did help me as I then stopped trying to 'fit in' resulting in me not stressing & I was more relaxed. Relaxed is something I'm sure NT's pick up on as a positive thing.

    People not guessing you're autistic - probably means either/and/or they don't know anything about autism, only know the stereotyped behaviors, can't be bothered to find out.

    As also says this can flag you as different & therefore a target for bullies. Though in some cases I think what passes to the victim as bullying is attempts by NT's to integrate you in to their social group. A sort of right of passage but because us ND's haven't a clue what's going on we're just damaged by it. I would stress this is only in some instances. There's plenty of other times when it's just plain burn the witch.

    These are my observations over the last 50yrs though most of the realisation has been in the last 10-15. They're not proven data but as a premiss it has helped me. Hope it helps you.

Children
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