Angry hurt Wife please help

The loop I cause my wife to have no buffer for our kids.

I don't share 50% of the mental load of kids.

I do what I can in my comfort zone, this puts added pressure on wife.

I accept acknowledge this.

I don't accept her swearing at me and kids and she knows she shouldn't.

If i speak up after trying to give her yeah things are hard for you, and eventually i'm this isnt cool, yes i know why you do it, yes i acknowldge you know you shouldnt do this.

I don't know how to get her to stop,

especially arguing in front of kids and speaking to me like crap.

Yes I know she's tired fatigued triggered by our son being grumpy and ruining her walk.

Yes I know the demands on her of me and son wear on her.

But i feel im allowing me and kids to be abused, yes I understand the justification that me and kids are causing it.

Yes i understand that its not fair on her.

Yes me forgetting things puts pressure on her.

What the heck do i do.

Please give me some idea as im stuck solving this issue.

I get she's hurt