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Angry hurt Wife please help

Matthew

The loop I cause my wife to have no buffer for our kids.

I don't share 50% of the mental load of kids.

I do what I can in my comfort zone, this puts added pressure on wife.

I accept acknowledge this.

I don't accept her swearing at me and kids and she knows she shouldn't.

If i speak up after trying to give her yeah things are hard for you, and eventually i'm this isnt cool, yes i know why you do it, yes i acknowldge you know you shouldnt do this.

I don't know how to get her to stop,

especially arguing in front of kids and speaking to me like crap.

Yes I know she's tired fatigued triggered by our son being grumpy and ruining her walk.

Yes I know the demands on her of me and son wear on her.

But i feel im allowing me and kids to be abused, yes I understand the justification that me and kids are causing it.

Yes i understand that its not fair on her.

Yes me forgetting things puts pressure on her.

What the heck do i do.

Please give me some idea as im stuck solving this issue.

I get she's hurt

  • in reply to mouse2

    There's a time tug of war I feel, I feel we need to plan the day and dedicate time to get things done.

    One parent look after kids one do this house chore or sort the house here to make environment better less cluttered.

    When she's had sleep and ok, then she functions at a high level.

    Rest of the time she'll need to go back to bed and I'm fighting to engage kids and sort house and sort business admin.

    I'm fatigued and were both not getting enough sleep and investing in ourselves.

    The days bleed away and were just surviving.

    She is a very inteliigent woman and gets things moved forward even when tired and push comes to shove.

    I'm just sit in a place of follow kids round house tidy up behind them, work on engaging with them and get them off tablets.

    So yes I get frustrated as I think it would be better to just get admin done , get house done and focus on family.

    I try to plan day and get met with just do it, how , if your asleep and im trying to keep kids away from you.

    I love it that she gets the sleep, it means shes in a nicer mood.

    There's a battle of me feeling on edge when she comes down and her picking up on my energy bit like walking on egg shells not knowing what to say that wont trigger a snippy response. I've sused out dont ask questions as this is a demand.

    Bit like our son potentially has PDA and putting demands on him causes issues.

    Me just taking kids trying to do house chores isn't working , its small stuff I need big wins to get results so I take mental load off her.
    Like planning home eding.

    Engaging in her ideas.

  • in reply to mouse2

    Hi Mouse2

    Before lock down I would take kids out 5-7 days a week 2-6hrs a day to give wife break as we home ed.

    She could only go out if I've taken kids out to avoid potential stress of kids getting upset her going out.

    During lock down has been harder.

    My wife co - sleeps with kids, so mostly gets bad nights sleeps, so quite a few mornings she will go back to bed and I'll look after kids, issue and stress is me staying enaged so they don't bother her.

    Whilst trying to do house work and admin.

    And I love kids always playing with them Slight smile

    Issue is i don't share mental load with wife, that she does every night bedtime as im working and feeds most meals, clothes them. any meds they need.

    Thanks for listening

  • Someones said it's not acceptable behaviour I agree. However, if shes super close to a breakdown she may need help. When your having a breakdown your not yourself.You need to help her now before she gets worse as it sounds like shes not coping. You've said that it's not 50 50 so you acknowledge that at least

  • I dont know the full situation but is your wife super stressed? I get really stressed as I cant leave my husband with our son so that I can get abreak for an hour. He will go out and leave our son home or get wrapped up in his projects and forget him. Leaving me without a break. Its exhausting especially in lockdown. Plus he wont play with our son or do anything with him or cook, medicine etc. Does your wife get a break?