Hi Treevey1314

As a kid , kids repeat things to sooth, like bouncing a ball.

I have a figet device I brought back from oz and it got me through lots of working hours and stresses.

I drift into day dream of when I was a kid sitting in the sun, feeling its warmth, a campsite in devon we went to for a lot of years each summer.

It sucks you cant just be yourself without people giving their opinion just because they dont have the balls to be themselves.

Why is it wrong that I feel more comfortable dressing up, in formal clothes.

Wearing a suit with satin black trousers, satin shirt, corset under shirt with fake boobies, tie waist coat and high heeled boots.

Its discreet, its not like im a man wearing a dress or skirt.

I don't feel I need to do this all the time, but it feels daring being in public. Something different and exciting.

Keep talking. It helps me talking and listening :)

You certainly are not alone. 
the other thing I do is I subconsciously learn movie words. 
I can walk In a room and if a film is on that I’ve seen I can name it within a few seconds most of the time. My parents stare every time I do it lol. 

Hi Jd,

That’s me too,

i can’t watch a movie randomly, it has to be in order. Tv shows have to be in order, start to finish. I have online tv shows and movies so I’m happy about that so they don’t get worn out. 

it’s nice to know others go through the same things as I do.

Thanks, 

i love talking to my puppy. I was recommended by a doctor to get a pet. I rescued my puppy from a kill shelter in Romania and paid for her to be brought to me and checked by a vet. She’s my life and she seems to know that I need her and she needed me too. 

Hello, 

thanks for your reply. It’s very difficult to find where to fit in and how to go about being yourself. I am learning now that I have to just do it and anyone else can either take me as I am, or I ignore them. I had a realisation moment not too long ago. 

i like wearing jeans and graphic t-shirts (if that’s what they’re called) things like Avengers, movies I like, tv show references. People at college and university used to make fun of me and say I looked like a boy. I just prefer to wear things that reminds me where I am and who I am. The things I like, if I look down and see Avengers on my t-shirt, it calms me down and I feel comfortable enough to go about my day. 

i Hope I’ve understood what you’re saying, and if I haven’t, please correct me. 

look after yourself. 

Welcome , and keep speaking up.

I too am dyslexic and fine colours help for me green back ground helps.

I too like re watching Tv Box sets , just to relive the series, incase I've forgotten some awesome parts of the programme.

I like organising all my movies and tv series, weird not really, I find It theraputic putting it in order.

I do this with all my stuff grouping it together, I have a retro 80s museum for toys, collectors items.

I have a fidget cube that helps me relax I guess when in public masking, I also drift into my dream world of swopping bodies with ladies i  meet from the neck down. More of a fetish of satin and over dressing in public getting attention, especially if i'm wearing a suit with a womans body under and people can see i have boobs but they can't compute that a man has breasts.

For me the look and the feel of satin is really important in my life.

Odd , I know I can't be myself.

Hi. I have repetitive habits with tv and more so DVD’s and movies. I have worn out many DVD players and to be honest surprised I haven’t worn the discs out! If I watch 1 film in a series I have to watch all of them and will watch them again many times over a period. 

It’s the same in my car I will listen to the same cd for weeks on end before I decide to change it. 

Believe me you are not alone. 

Hello from a fellow dyslexic!. It is fine to speak to your dog when out walking as I used to do it all the time with the farm dogs and they seemed to respond so that it all that matters. Whatever you do, it does not matter as long as you are happy, who cares what others think.

Nick

Thanks for replying, it’s reassuring knowing that it’s not just me being weird. People don’t seem to understand why I do certain things. I don’t drink due to my medications I’m on too, but I don’t talk to anyone in the house usually, unless they approach me and ask me something, mainly because I’m scared I’m being too talkative or annoying. So I have time to myself. 

it’s mainly the things in public that make me wonder whether people are looking at me as if I’m weird. 

Hello Niamh. I do many of the things that you have listed.

I tend to run on my tiptoes, I don't even realise that I am doing it. My Mum calls me "Twinkletoes".

I have alternate film nights (When I can). I have a small selection of movies that I watch in rotation, Inside Out, Bolt, Hotel Transylvania and A Goofy Movie. I have very few nights where I can watch them by myself as I live with my parents. I also like to have a little drink when I am watching them.

I cant read as its hurting my eyes but I read the 1st part 

I talk to myself too :)

Hello, you are definitely not weird so don't worry about that. You are you, how you choose to express yourself is entirely your choice; whether you are autistic or not. It us a shame that unfortunately society struggles to accept anything that they are ignorant about and forces some if us to mask and hide the way we do.

How is life otherwise?

X

Thanks for your reply. And its fine, i could read the blue letters. 

I think I'm getting tired of masking. Its not me and its difficult to keep it up. I don't know if I'm supposed to pretend or if its okay to do what i do. i don't mind doing them now knowing they are an autistic trait and not just me being weird. Its just one of those things i thought about when out and about the other day, just had to ask and see what others thought. 

hope you're staying safe and are well 

Hey, I firstly may I apologize for not have yellow background for you, I don't seem to have that option in the reply box :/ 

Tiptoeing I believe is a typical autism thing, something to do with sensory perception? But I don't see why this should be an issue to anybody else who doesn't do it. It's not exactly offensive. But then NTs seem to want to stop anything they don't do, whether it is offensive, dangerous or otherwise.

I am always talking to myself, and I'm sure NTs do too, whether this is to lesser extent, I'm not sure, but I certainly wouldn't have viewed it as odd...my partner is always talking to cats (any cat she comes across, not just ours) and she is apparently 'normal'.

As far as explaining yourself,I can understand why this gets you down and frustrated. I have some how managed to mask, hide or excuse most of my traits in order to attempt to come across as 'normal' so haven't come across this aspect yet. Humour and sarcasm has always helped to deflect any situation where someone has confronted me about being odd or doing odd things.

I am sorry I can't give any advice about the feeling of having to stop what your doing orhor it, I am afraid I spend my life trying to hide it and will unfortunately continue to do so.

Stay safe

X