I've fallen out with two of my sisters, another one we're more distant than we used to be, still get on to an extent but it feels a lot more contrived and jaded than it used to, another sister we like each other a lot but had a big falling out and although it's over it doesn't feel like things will ever be the same again.
To put this in context, we were a very family-oriented household when I was growing up. Some families aren't like that, I gather.
I feel quite sad and lonely thinking about how things have changed. In part it's because my sisters couldn't understand my Autism, in part because I made foolish mistakes.
Then I think of all the friends lost or women I fell in love with who rejected me, and how empty it felt without them.
And how I feel some of my neighbours don't want me to live here.
I'll walk outside on my own occasionally and feel rejected by most people. I was walking by the sea and a car was parked and as I walked past they started the engine and drove off, then half a mile down the road another did.
I don't know if this feeling will last but it's how I feel now. 
