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Slow, sad mood

Roswell

I've fallen out with two of my sisters, another one we're more distant than we used to be, still get on to an extent but it feels a lot more contrived and jaded than it used to, another sister we like each other a lot but had a big falling out and although it's over it doesn't feel like things will ever be the same again.

To put this in context, we were a very family-oriented household when I was growing up. Some families aren't like that, I gather. 

I feel quite sad and lonely thinking about how things have changed. In part it's because my sisters couldn't understand my Autism, in part because I made foolish mistakes.

Then I think of all the friends lost or women I fell in love with who rejected me, and how empty it felt without them.

And how I feel some of my neighbours don't want me to live here.

I'll walk outside on my own occasionally and feel rejected by most people. I was walking by the sea and a car was parked and as I walked past they started the engine and drove off, then half a mile down the road another did.

I don't know if this feeling will last but it's how I feel now. Weary

  • in reply to Roswell

    Please remember to be nice to yourself too. Sounds like you're beating yourself up a bit. We're only human. 

  • in reply to Plectrum

    Thank you for the support everyone. 

    I understand what you mean about how projecting sadness can make it seem someone is unfriendly. I'm trying to improve my mental health so I come across better to people. I'll try to take the steps needed. 

  • in reply to NAS61718

    It's too hard to explain what's happened with the neighbours but basically one of them had an argument with my mum, after I told her I overheard him laughing about me with his brother.

    Another one of the neighbours started slamming doors angrily whenever I would practice my acoustic guitar (which made me give it up). 

    I do quite a lot of food preparation and cooking at home, go for walks in nature, watch films and read. I don't work, I'm employing a personal assistant because I have a lot of difficulties.

    I'll hopefully move away from here some time not too far away but I do think people often don't take to me because of how I struggle with eye contact, facial expressions, body language and forming and reciprocating conversations. But I feel a bit better today. Slight smile

  • in reply to Anthony

    In that case, I'm honoured to meat their aquantence. Hope you are all doing okayx

  • in reply to Plectrum

    I agree Roswell is a great member of this community. (As are you Plectrum). 

  • in reply to NAS61718

    Roswell is friendly to me on this forum so I wanted to try and be friendly back when he's down. 

  • in reply to Plectrum

    That is very good advice. And a very good way of thinking about the situation. X

  • Hi Roswell, sorry to hear about this. I come from a big family too and I'm familiar with this feeling of being an outcast. I'll give you my two bob's worth and I'm sure plenty of people might have other views but these are just from my own experience.

    • Your sisters might not ruminate and go over past issues as much as you, it is a classic autie thing to go over and over noticing problematic details and feeling stuck in a loop. So they might not feel things have soured as much as you do. 

    • When we are down we have a tendency to project sadness around us. This can cause people to be unfriendly because they don't realise you are friendly if you project your inner sadness or anxiety 

    • Regarding your closer sister, I also have one that's closer than the others. I think it's worth fixing this relationship before you take on the rest, this will help you move on and lighten your mood. What would it take to say, 'I'm sad we fell out, do you forgive me?'.    Just that.   No more long explanation. You're not taking the blame you're just taking your half of it and asking her to do the same. It's also humble. So it's hard to resist.  

    I'm sure if you can take a small step, things will be a bit brighter. I always seem to make my neighbours sneer but I don't care.  Hope can use some of that, but if not, at least I know very well how this feels. 

  • Hi, Roswell, I am sorry you are feeling so down. I come from a very close family also and cannot imagine how difficult you must be finding having your family distance themselves. 

    I can assure you that the cars driving of are very most likely just coincidences, please don't see these instances as anything other than that.

    What makes you believe your neighbors don't want you around? Why wouldn't they want you there? Sometimes our brains are very good and thinking things that are not true and make links where there are non. I tend to over think things, mostly because I sit and try to rationalize others actions or words. I try to see it from their point of view, sometimes it helps, however my partner feels I defend everyone and frankly it can be exhausting thinking so much! But, as I said, sometimes it does help to calm a different aspect of anxiety.

    I hope you are able to lose this feeling of not being wanted, everyone is wanted and needed by somebody, whether we know or understand it ourselves or not. 

    What do you do with your days? Do you have any interests, have a job or in education? 

    X