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Eye contact

NAS61718

Hey, I'm new here and have no diagnosis, reading through some of the threads I completely relate.

I'd like to ask what everyone's views and experiences are on eye contact...I seem to be okay under normal circumstances, however, this changes when emotion is involved, or confrontation. I really struggle and my partner hates that I can't give eye contact when she feels she needs it. If have an argument you can almost gaurentee that at some point she wil demand that I look at her. It makes me really mad because I don't know why people insist on eye contact. It is physically uncomfortable! She understands that I have seriously considered the idea that I'm autistic but knows very little about autism. Which I think, most of the time at least, I am glad of, as she sees and accepts me as me. But the eye contact thing is really difficult and makes an already difficult situation harder. 

Has anybody else had similar problems? Have you managed to overcome it or got any strategies that I could try?

X

Parents
  • NAS61718 said:
    got any strategies that I could try?

    Greetings. As You infer... With Autistics "eye contact" is sometimes said to be painful. Also lack of eye contact is officially used as one of the diagnostic signs of Autism. Some advice for avoiding "staring" at others, is to look at one eye and then at the other eye and then at the mouth... and then repeat that. 

    I have said this in previous Threads... yet You say this:

    NAS61718 said:
    reading through some of the threads I completely relate.

    There was, not a week before, another Thread with the exact same title of "Eye contact":

    https://community.autism.org.uk/f/miscellaneous-and-chat/18546/eye-contact/

    If You can scroll down to look at the "related" section, or use the "search" box (An Icon of Three lines, top right at the Home Screen), then You will see a *lot* of other Threads about this topic exactly which give even more answers.

    ...Lastly... if You have no 'official' diagnosis then, yes, that makes things a lot harder - that is, actual facts may be taken as not relating to You --- Often if a person has the traits of Autism but not an official statement of it, then they are not taken seriously. I would advise trying very hard to get a diagnosis, though given current events that is 'up in the air' right now. Try for it as soon as the calender says "December", or something (!) and meantime gather as much evidence about Your own Autism as You can.

  • in reply to Disambiguating Cynosure

    Thank you for your advise, I can only apologise; I looked for a search box but couldn't find it and after looking at three pages of messages I couldn't find an easier way of looking for similar topics. I hadn't realised or noticed it in the menu section, so thank you for informing me.

    For me, it's not a case of how much or how little eye contact, it's the fact that it's uncomfortable when I try during heightened circumstances. Ordinarily I haven't noticed it be a problem. 

    X

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  • in reply to Disambiguating Cynosure

    Thank you for your advise, I can only apologise; I looked for a search box but couldn't find it and after looking at three pages of messages I couldn't find an easier way of looking for similar topics. I hadn't realised or noticed it in the menu section, so thank you for informing me.

    For me, it's not a case of how much or how little eye contact, it's the fact that it's uncomfortable when I try during heightened circumstances. Ordinarily I haven't noticed it be a problem. 

    X

Children
  • in reply to Disambiguating Cynosure

    (I have a lot of info to give but am only good at saying it when I think no-one is looking, I have learned from being upon this Forum...)

  • in reply to NAS61718

    (I hate chat but I am still here but see this!) Um... no "apologise" necessary... as You say this, then this is the next uncomfortable step: Explaining that because You are Autistic then that is why You are not comfortable with extended Eye contact. If the person does not want to understand that then... um... well, I Myself would either give that person a little time to do so or just try not to interact with them.

    You mention yet another aspect, however: "heightened circumstances" (!!!). This is another Autism thing, not often mentioned, whe-hey (!). Extreme Emotions are also difficult for us to tolerate. Lastly, Autistic Persons actually experience Emotions *very intensely* which is why most of us act as if unemotional or trying to shut them out. 

    ...Not sure what else to say, now - I am now doing My often done thing of asking for someone else to back Me up, now... Good Luck, certainly... sorry... *whimper*... (!)