I think I’m disappointed in myself. Again. Because another person from my workplace is “moving up”, getting better position.
Every few months new person starts and after few months they either leave the company to start some better paid job or get a promotion.
Except me. I’m still in the same place, year after year, doing the same things.
I’m happy to do what I do and I know they would allow me to “move up” if I asked but I also know it would be too much for me. Money would be better, some aspects of the job would be better but some would be a complete hell.
Especially that training would be “pick up as you go” and I need a slow training, going through all the processes from the beginning to the end. Someone would need to slowly guide me whereas other people are just jumping into the new role and are fine at picking everything they need without any structured training.
Also, I’m terrible at placating people, even in writing. And at videoconferencing.
So I’m stuck in my current position for ever. It wouldn’t be so bad if could accept that I’ll never be anything else.
I feel like I’m self sabotaging, keep thinking that I should try (sky is the limit and all that stuff)
But I’m scared of failing because I know my limitations. And I don’t know how to overcome them. So I’m a bit angry as well.
I’m resigning myself to be that person who seemingly lacks motivation and career drive.
It’s not even that I crave career but I feel left behind each time someone who just started is promoted, I feel worse than them (with all the self talk “why can’t I be like everyone else?”)
And then I feel bad that I’m putting myself down (because I shouldn’t talk like that to myself and why, oh why I can’t just feel comfortable with who I am?)
