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Work guilt and self acceptance

Ladybird

I think I’m disappointed in myself. Again. Because another person from my workplace is “moving up”, getting better position. 

Every few months new person starts and after few months they either leave the company to start some better paid job or get a promotion. 

Except me. I’m still in the same place, year after year, doing the same things. 

I’m happy to do what I do and I know they would allow me to “move up” if I asked but I also know it would be too much for me. Money would be better, some aspects of the job would be better but some would be a complete hell. 

Especially that training would be “pick up as you go” and I need a slow training, going through all the processes from the beginning to the end. Someone would need to slowly guide me whereas other people are just jumping into the new role and are fine at picking everything they need without any structured training.

Also, I’m terrible at placating people, even in writing. And at videoconferencing. 

So I’m stuck in my current position for ever. It wouldn’t be so bad if could accept that I’ll never be anything else. 

I feel like I’m self sabotaging, keep thinking that I should try (sky is the limit and all that stuff)

But I’m scared of failing because I know my limitations. And I don’t know how to overcome them. So I’m a bit angry as well.

I’m resigning myself to be that person who seemingly lacks motivation and career drive.

It’s not even that I crave career but I feel left behind each time someone who just started is promoted, I feel worse than them (with all the self talk “why can’t I be like everyone else?”) 

And then I feel bad that I’m putting myself down (because I shouldn’t talk like that to myself and why, oh why I can’t just feel comfortable with who I am?)

  • in reply to Ladybird

    I resonate a lot with this.  I need to be authentic so I can't blag my way to the top. So i get under-recognised and make up for it by working very long hours, at cost to my health.  I take care of details and do things right first time, which saves the company money. But those things aren't valued as much.  

    I can't not be authentic. I would be lying to myself.

    In the end I ask myself if i am secure enough with the money I earn and can I just enjoy the days off, and somehow I get through the days and know I did my best. I also believe that what goes around comes around and these over-promoted people will find their own incompetence or it will be found out one day when someone pays attention to the details.

  • in reply to mrs.snooks

    I have the same experience, I have been in my career 12 years and have had promotion twice but I couldn’t cope with the stress and both times I decided to go back to my previous post. I could do the job but at a huge cost to my mental health, I couldn’t cope with the responsibilities and annoyingly I don’t seem to learn quickly from experience. Hence me trying again a 2nd time. It’s humiliating. Sometimes it hurts to see people in one year climbing up earning loads more than me.  But I tell myself peace is better than strife and stress. Do your best and that’s enough. Also I am tired of being ignored because I can’t communicate well and don’t fit in so I am learning to look to God to find my value. It’s helped me a huge amount, I still have periods when people hurt me but I recover better now and stabilise quicker.

  • in reply to Ladybird

    I have similar feelings, i think why do they not recognise what a good job i am doing but also i don't want praise and to stand out from the crowd, i am hppy just being in the background.

  • in reply to Ladybird
    Ladybird said:
    How not to care about being undervalued and considered not enough.

    That is the million pound question, isn't it. What have you tried before to cope with this? I have had my share of CBT, counselling and psychologist input which helps sometimes. Sometimes all the counselling in the world doesn't take away the smart of not being valued in a NT world.

    Thoughts?

    Mrs Snooks.

  • I’m generally happy at work but I’m envious when I hear all the praises others get: that they are so smart, hard working and motivated, they’re doing an amazing job and they’ll go far. 

    And so, after few months, they are offered a promotion. 

    I guess I feel underappreciated. 

    I feel I’m worse than the others and that I have to achieve “something” because it’s expected that everyone progresses in their career. 

    But then I know it would take an enormous toll on my mental health (which in my eyes is somehow a sign of weakness, even though I know that it’s not a sign of weakness)

    I don’t want to take part in the rat race but  then I feel bad not taking part because it’s what everyone does and those who opt out are viewed as the losers who are not smart enough or not motivated enough, or not hard working enough.

    I know it’s not true but I don’t know how to change how I feel. 

    How not to care about being undervalued and considered not enough.

  • Hi Ladybird, 

    I went through very dark place when I realised that I couldn't cope with the job I was doing. Since then, I have been trying to accept that it was too hard and that I need to move on psychologically. But that can be easier said than done.

    I am quite competitive and I think I would find it hard to watch other being promoted while I was not. The job I am in at the moment, I also felt I was not doing it well and this was very difficult. I am lucky in that I am able to take some time out and reflect on what I want to achieve and what is important to me for my self-esteem.

    I'm not sure I have any advice on what to do. But I just wanted you to know that I understand how hard you must find it. And to talk it through here some more and everywhere you have support, because it will help to have some support through it.

    Take care,

    Mrs Snooks

  • Sorry to hear this - it mirrors my own experiences in the workplace.     It seems that if you can't play the social game, it's a no-win situation.