This my first post. I feel a little strange writing this because I don't have a diagnoses. I guess Im looking to make contacts with people that were diagnosed as adults (Im 32) and what their path was like. I always felt different and out of place. I had a lot of emotional trauma in childhood and always thought I was this way because of it. Have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but was never able to get proper treatment. However not everything adds up. Because I never knew who I was in order to function I became a master of adapting, meaning I could "fit" anywhere by just mimicking people around me. I can be friends with anyone because of it and I've been part of every tribe. But all I really wanted was to be left alone, people and social interactions overwhelm me, so all my "friendships" were always very superficial. I live in my own head and interacting with people is really just a pain. Im most happy when Im by myself. I lose friends because I don't contact them, even if I love them dearly. I have no problems reading facial expressions, in fact I am very good at reading people, but I don't understand emotion very well unless I rationalise it. I've been called cold a lot and I can't understand people that act out of emotion alone. Everything I do needs to be planned and structured before I do it, from planning a trip, to house cleaning and daily routine. It's a lot of spreadsheet. However, executing the plan is a whole other story, all I want to do is obsess over things in my head, I feel like Im in a constant hypnotic state and now that I am a mum it's a real struggle. I don't think I had the "well known" symptoms of being in the spectrum when I was a toddler, and if I did my mother wouldn't be able to tell anyway. From what I remember, I was an odd child, quiet, often called sad or strange and was way ahead of other children my age in terms of cognitive development. I remember people saying I spoke like an adult, not a child. Im not expecting a diagnoses here, I just had to put some of this in writing, its the first time i do it, even though I didn't put everything down or I could definitely write a few pages, and maybe someone will relate to it? Not sure. If you have been diagnosed in the spectrum as an adult you can contact me, I would love to hear your story. Please don't be offended if I don't reply straight away, call it social anxiety or symptoms of being autistic, my brain has its own timing when it comes to engaging in a conversation with others. But I would still really appreciate it if you contact me.
Thank you for taking the time to read it.
