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Near Meltdown While Shopping.

Plastic

I did the Sainsburys vulnerable shopping hour this morning.     

Had to be up at 4am to stabilise my body because of the other health problems - but woke up at 3am instead.   Disappointed. 

Took all my pills and waited while my body does its normal routine - it makes me feel really ill and I need 3 hours to get ready.

Got to the shop for 0700 and was 5th in line - but I'm normally with my daughter and unfortunately, she was unavailable today.  

I got questioned but the Hi-Viz man whether I should be there or not and again by the guy on the door so I had to show them my disability badge, my autism card and the other notification cards and my steroid warning card - so that left me stressed.

Got into the shop and the self-scan system was not working - This is a big problem - I have CFS so I only have a limited amount of energy - I'd been up for 5 hours now including an hour of standing outside the shop and the broken self-scan means I will have to queue again for ages at the checkouts..     I should have walked away.

Stupidly, I carried on - and found I'd forgotten my glasses so I couldn't read the shopping list or the labels on the products.- I should have walked away.

Stupidly, I carried on - but I was getting more stressed by the time-crunch to avoid the checkout queues and the inability to find what I was supposed to get - like a really bad treasure hunt with only rubbish prizes.    I should have walked away.

I got about 2/3 of the list but was getting more and more stressed and tearful - I was getting panicky and wobbly.   It's the closest I've ever come to a full public meltdown in a shop.

I'd had enough - I needed to escape - luckily, I got to a free checkout and was out of there in a couple of minutes.     The checkout lady asked me if I was ok (I obviously wasn't) but I was so messed up that I couldn't answer except to apologise to her for making her concerned.

I've been home for over 2 hours but I'm still shaking and tearful - and I'm soooo tired but too agitated to relax and sleep.  Disappointed

Parents

  • Thanks for the support, guys - I was surprised by how much the situation overloaded me.      It's that 'doing the right thing' compulsion that forced me to carry on when all of my instincts were telling me to get out of there.     

    I faded out in the afternoon and slept on & off until about 8am - about 18 hrs - it was too much energy expended so my body reclaims it back in time instead.

    I've put things in place to make sure it doesn't happen again - I won't ever go alone again unless it's just for my things and I will back out next time if all the things I need aren't in place immediately.

    An interesting - if traumatising - learning experience.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Hi plastic, I did reply from my phone but it seem's to have disapeared now. I'm sorry you had a bad shopping trip.You did well to finish the shop. After 3 very stressful and failed attempts (I walked out and left my shopping) I now go an hour before closing. Their stocking the shelves at this time too so you can still buy most of what you need. Take care :)

  • in reply to mouse2

    Hi mouse - I know just how you feel - I was sooooo close to just walking away from the trolley but I was locked in the conflict of *needing* to do the week's shopping for wife & daughter and my own mental well-being.      Naturally, my needs are always less than anyone else's - which is a hard reminder of when I was being bullied at work - so there's trauma-memories popping out too.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Your much stronger than I am. As I say I now go out just before closing and theres no queues. So today I needed milk, forgot its daytime and walked straight in. Remembered halfway up the isle it's a que system so walked out and apologised to the queue. They were really grumpy even though I explained I rarely go out and not used to this. I'd not invaded space etc I'd just jumped the queue then of my own accord joined the queue. But then at the back of the queue someone wanted a full conversation of questions....eurgh

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  • in reply to Plastic

    Your much stronger than I am. As I say I now go out just before closing and theres no queues. So today I needed milk, forgot its daytime and walked straight in. Remembered halfway up the isle it's a que system so walked out and apologised to the queue. They were really grumpy even though I explained I rarely go out and not used to this. I'd not invaded space etc I'd just jumped the queue then of my own accord joined the queue. But then at the back of the queue someone wanted a full conversation of questions....eurgh

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