Newly Diagnosed 33 year old adult - finding it hard to process. Any suggestions?

Hi,

As a person who was diagnosed before Primary School age and has been aware for most of my life, I may have a different perspective to offer.   Granted, I wasn't told by my parents until I was around 10 or so; before then, all I knew was that I was receiving support throughout most of my time at school and I had a few unrelated physical health difficulties to focus on, but being told didn't have much of an impact on my life.  Being told exactly why I needed support in school was a shock for me at the time, but I knew that my family and friends cared about me and I still cared about them and it made things easier to to handle.  Being on the spectrum hasn't been easy , but I was fortunate in that I I made friends, and have maintained lifelong friendships, and have never been bullied at school; deliberately annoyed by some people, yes, but never singled out for anything cruel.    

As for being worried about being treated differently, I think most humans on this planet believe themselves to be abnormal and fear being 'found out' by other people.  A quote from the film Star Trek Generations sums it up very well: "Normal is what everyone else is, and you are not."  

I understand that being told may have shaken your beliefs about yourself and about your identity, but you're still the same person you were before the diagnosis.  If people suddenly think less of you just because you're on the spectrum, perhaps you'd be better off without them.  You were born this way and you shouldn't have to apologise for it.  You can't control what other people think about you, all that matters is what you think of yourself.

I would advise that you disclose to whoever you feel you want to or have to, but not necessarily broadcast it.  Not everyone will make an effort to understand.  It might help to think about how you would explain it to other people, preferably as succinctly as possible.  Referencing a well known Aspie, like in the post by 'Free to be me' might help put people at ease, preferably if said celebrity has similar interests.  

It's your call, but I also think telling your ex-wife and children may be a good idea, in that it can help you and your ex figure out what went wrong in your relationship, it gives her a chance to process what it all means, and will help her to put any fears about your children to rest.  If reconciliation isn't possible, she would be better prepared to accept your Autistic quirks as part of who you are, not something you do on purpose to upset her.

Regarding your children, discussing it with her may help both of you form a plan as to how you can prepare to make their lives easier if at least one of them is somewhere on the spectrum, and how and when to disclose the fact once you're both certain.  It may soften the blow coming from people they know and love.  In the end, if you tell them while they're still at school, it may spare them from the self-doubt you feel now and they can share any pain it causes with one another.  If at least one is NT, the other two have someone else to support them if they get a hard time at school.  

Hi,

As a person who was diagnosed before Primary School age and has been aware for most of my life, I may have a different perspective to offer.   Granted, I wasn't told by my parents until I was around 10 or so; before then, all I knew was that I was receiving support throughout most of my time at school and I had a few unrelated physical health difficulties to focus on, but being told didn't have much of an impact on my life.  Being told exactly why I needed support in school was a shock for me at the time, but I knew that my family and friends cared about me and I still cared about them and it made things easier to to handle.  Being on the spectrum hasn't been easy , but I was fortunate in that I I made friends, and have maintained lifelong friendships, and have never been bullied at school; deliberately annoyed by some people, yes, but never singled out for anything cruel.    

As for being worried about being treated differently, I think most humans on this planet believe themselves to be abnormal and fear being 'found out' by other people.  A quote from the film Star Trek Generations sums it up very well: "Normal is what everyone else is, and you are not."  

I understand that being told may have shaken your beliefs about yourself and about your identity, but you're still the same person you were before the diagnosis.  If people suddenly think less of you just because you're on the spectrum, perhaps you'd be better off without them.  You were born this way and you shouldn't have to apologise for it.  You can't control what other people think about you, all that matters is what you think of yourself.

I would advise that you disclose to whoever you feel you want to or have to, but not necessarily broadcast it.  Not everyone will make an effort to understand.  It might help to think about how you would explain it to other people, preferably as succinctly as possible.  Referencing a well known Aspie, like in the post by 'Free to be me' might help put people at ease, preferably if said celebrity has similar interests.  

It's your call, but I also think telling your ex-wife and children may be a good idea, in that it can help you and your ex figure out what went wrong in your relationship, it gives her a chance to process what it all means, and will help her to put any fears about your children to rest.  If reconciliation isn't possible, she would be better prepared to accept your Autistic quirks as part of who you are, not something you do on purpose to upset her.

Regarding your children, discussing it with her may help both of you form a plan as to how you can prepare to make their lives easier if at least one of them is somewhere on the spectrum, and how and when to disclose the fact once you're both certain.  It may soften the blow coming from people they know and love.  In the end, if you tell them while they're still at school, it may spare them from the self-doubt you feel now and they can share any pain it causes with one another.  If at least one is NT, the other two have someone else to support them if they get a hard time at school.