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Awaiting aspergers assessment and struggling with anxiety and depression

Broken Saint

Hi everyone, I have been waiting for an assessment to see if I have aspergers and it's dragging on a bit. C.L.A.S.S. Who are dealing with it are undermanned and only agreed to see me, as I confessed to my GP that I was having suicidal thoughts. It could take up to two years to be seen!

All of this, coupled with being a keyworker in the pandemic and with no real support network (my Wife doesn't care and have no Dad or Mum, grandparents or close family) my anxiety and depression has skyrocketed.

I'm 42 this year and have known I have been 'different' for a long time. I can't cope anymore. I'm angry all the time. I snap at my 3 year old and Wife all the and can't cope with day to day things. I wake up in tears and with heartburn. I'm addicted to OTC and drink. Is there anything that helps with this if you're on the spectrum? Anti depressants don't help - I've tried them all!

Many thanks in advance Wink

Parents

  • Hi and thanks to everyone for the help. I'm on the waiting list for the local autism assessment dept. They're very slow (2 year waiting list) and no doubt undermanned. I fear I'll be off this planet by the time they get too me. I'm just not coping. My weight has ballooned and I'm downing over the counter drugs for fun. 

    I crashed into bed last night at 9pm, after I got my Son to sleep. I have gait problems, so my knee and hips are destroyed. I was in so much pain, mentally and physically I couldn't go on last night. Slept until 7am and felt pretty good. Then, the anxiety, depression and sadness crept in. It's driven me and my wife apart, to the point she detests me. She doesn't understand me, or how I 'tick', and as she's got what she wanted (kid, house etc) I'm no longer a priority. We've not been intimate in four years.......it was certainly a lot different when she was desperate for a child! And as the penny has dropped about how my mind works, I detest myself now too. 

    I've got the day off work today, and even walking around the village with my Son has sent me off into a panic attack. I wish I could shut myself in a room and never come out. 

  • in reply to Broken Saint

    I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling so much, have you tried sitting down with your wife and just talking about how you are feeling especially about your assessment being up in the air as that seems to be really upsetting you.

    I was diagnosed at the CLASS clinic several years ago, I don't know what it is like now but at the time they were very thorough so once you do get there you will get a very fair assessment. In the meantime I think you need to talk to a professional who can help you work through your issues. If you have the financial stability to do so (as it is not a free service) I can highly recommend action for asperger's - www.actionforaspergers.org/ the counsellor's there are all highly trained and know specifically how to treat people on the spectrum.

  • in reply to Azpie

    Thanks, Azpie I have tried to sit down with my Wife but she just turns everything on me "It's the way that you think" that starts every argument, nothing to do with her having a meltdown over something trivial etc. I've even started second guessing a lot of my actions/thoughts due to thinking that everything is my fault! I also wonder if I've convinced myself that I am different, but there's nothing wrong with me...... 

    I would go for some paid therapy, but I gambled away 4k last year, as I felt so alone and depressed, so that's out the window. I tried to confide in my wife about that and got back "Great, so as if I haven't got enough to do I've got to babysit you, as well?" Then she left me to it. Now I get chastised as we have no money left!

    It's comforting to know that CLASS are good at what they do. I hope I get to meet them!

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  • in reply to Azpie

    Thanks, Azpie I have tried to sit down with my Wife but she just turns everything on me "It's the way that you think" that starts every argument, nothing to do with her having a meltdown over something trivial etc. I've even started second guessing a lot of my actions/thoughts due to thinking that everything is my fault! I also wonder if I've convinced myself that I am different, but there's nothing wrong with me...... 

    I would go for some paid therapy, but I gambled away 4k last year, as I felt so alone and depressed, so that's out the window. I tried to confide in my wife about that and got back "Great, so as if I haven't got enough to do I've got to babysit you, as well?" Then she left me to it. Now I get chastised as we have no money left!

    It's comforting to know that CLASS are good at what they do. I hope I get to meet them!

Children
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