Awaiting aspergers assessment and struggling with anxiety and depression

Thanks, Azpie I have tried to sit down with my Wife but she just turns everything on me "It's the way that you think" that starts every argument, nothing to do with her having a meltdown over something trivial etc. I've even started second guessing a lot of my actions/thoughts due to thinking that everything is my fault! I also wonder if I've convinced myself that I am different, but there's nothing wrong with me...... 

I would go for some paid therapy, but I gambled away 4k last year, as I felt so alone and depressed, so that's out the window. I tried to confide in my wife about that and got back "Great, so as if I haven't got enough to do I've got to babysit you, as well?" Then she left me to it. Now I get chastised as we have no money left!

It's comforting to know that CLASS are good at what they do. I hope I get to meet them!

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling so much, have you tried sitting down with your wife and just talking about how you are feeling especially about your assessment being up in the air as that seems to be really upsetting you.

I was diagnosed at the CLASS clinic several years ago, I don't know what it is like now but at the time they were very thorough so once you do get there you will get a very fair assessment. In the meantime I think you need to talk to a professional who can help you work through your issues. If you have the financial stability to do so (as it is not a free service) I can highly recommend action for asperger's - www.actionforaspergers.org/ the counsellor's there are all highly trained and know specifically how to treat people on the spectrum.

Hi and thanks to everyone for the help. I'm on the waiting list for the local autism assessment dept. They're very slow (2 year waiting list) and no doubt undermanned. I fear I'll be off this planet by the time they get too me. I'm just not coping. My weight has ballooned and I'm downing over the counter drugs for fun. 

I crashed into bed last night at 9pm, after I got my Son to sleep. I have gait problems, so my knee and hips are destroyed. I was in so much pain, mentally and physically I couldn't go on last night. Slept until 7am and felt pretty good. Then, the anxiety, depression and sadness crept in. It's driven me and my wife apart, to the point she detests me. She doesn't understand me, or how I 'tick', and as she's got what she wanted (kid, house etc) I'm no longer a priority. We've not been intimate in four years.......it was certainly a lot different when she was desperate for a child! And as the penny has dropped about how my mind works, I detest myself now too. 

I've got the day off work today, and even walking around the village with my Son has sent me off into a panic attack. I wish I could shut myself in a room and never come out. 

I'm sorry you've had this experience. My GP was really unhelpful too - he didn't take my autism or my mental health seriously (I don't think he believed me when I said I think I'm autistic). Your GP's unqualified to 'assess' you anyway, so it was really wrong of him to send you away without a proper referral. 

Are you on the assessment waiting list now? I got my autism referral and mental health support by self-referring to my local NHS mental health service. It was the mental health assessor who took me seriously and got me on the autism assessment waiting list, along with helping me access therapy. He was incredibly helpful.

Yes I feel much the same I think. Worth finding your local autism group and speaking to others.

Reading books about it, but trying to find a way is very difficult.

routines, exercise, try and identify any positives?

I'm surprised you haven't been referred by your GP to secondary services for persistent depression. To be fair, one psychotherapist told me that mindfulness is a skill that you improve over time, so switching off will get easier for you with time. I'm going to try mindfulness more to try and curb my anxiety. Grounding techniques are a form of mindfulness. There are more grounding techniques on google, but they involve, for example:

• breathing in and out deeply and being aware of your breath, and repeating a pleasant word to yourself on every in breath
• touching what's around you and noticing its texture
• noticing your body, the weight of your body and how it feels
• running cold water on your skin and noticing how that feels
• eating something and describing the flavours to yourself
• coming up with a grounding phrase, which is positive and reminds you you are surviving in the present, i.e. 'I am safe'
• getting a grounding object which you can hold and observe when you are feeling distressed

To be fair, my GP surgery has been worse than useless. Their responses have ranged from 'Don't worry, things will get better' to 'So, do you want more meds?' And on the last visit, I was given a link to the doc's Mindfulness blog (even though he'd never heard of Jon Kabat Zinn) and sent on my way. Oh, this was after he 'assessed' me and said that I'm not on the spectrum - even though he seemed like he was!

I've also been given links to NHS websites that seem to be very 'hack of all trades' and fobbed off.

What are grounding techniques? I've tried Mindfulness, but it's so hard to switch off......

Have you looked at grounding techniques? I have a form of depression myself (bipolar disorder) and they've helped me, and they've helped someone I know with their panic attacks. Have you thought about investing in sensory toys to fiddle with and ease the pressure a bit? Mindfulness might also help if you haven't tried that already.

Hi, Broken Saint - I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. I'm also on the waiting list for an assessment and finding the wait very challenging.

It might be worth trying to call the National Autistic Society helpline to see if there's any additional support you can provide while you wait for diagnosis. Has your GP offered any other support (e.g. talking therapies) while you wait for your assessment? If not, you can usually self-refer online for your local NHS service. If you need someone to talk to in the meantime, I understand the Samaritans are really helpful.

Please take care of yourself and know that there are always people here to talk to.

Hmmm I guess for some people they just don’t work well - I didn’t have a good track record on them but made a lot of progress with talk based therapies but I can’t really suggest that in the current climate. I find distraction works well for me as with my autistic traits I tend to have quite intense focus on my interests so I use that quite often - usually some i kind of academic project to shift my focus onto something else. Not sure if that would work for you. 

Hi Anthony. I've tried about six or seven different anti depressants over the last fifteen years, but to no avail. 

There are a number of different types of anti-depressant which work in different ways. Have you considered contacting your GP to look at a switch if you feel the ones you are on don’t work?