I'm sure you get lots of these thread topics so forgive me for adding another one! It's my first post anywhere questioning whether it's worth me speaking to my GP.
I've queried for years about me being autistic but I've never felt like I've wanted to find out. I've been happy and a diagnosis hasnt felt important.
I'm 37 now and having no friends and an inability to keep friends is really affecting me. Im happily married with one child and my husband is my best friend 
I have a formal diagnosis of dyslexia and irlens syndrome (although I refuse to wear yellow glasses!)
Here are my potential traits/symptoms and difficulties;
-all my friends throughout my life are really acquaintances through a particular friend at the time. All my current friends are my husbands and only see through him. I have no friends I have made on my own. When I try, I almost scare people away with taking too much or being weird
- have memories of friends at school calling me weird. I've still no idea why but I dress different as I was obsessed with the 60's and 70s!
-my husband friends call me weird... still no idea why!
- I offend people all the time and I lose friends by being too honest about my expectations of them.
- i dont miss people. I only miss my husband and daughter when I am away. I dont miss friends but I want a close friend but I just cant keep them. I've been ostracized from two friendship groups now and I'm not sure what I've done wrong other than be honest.
-in that note... I love blunt straight to the point people!
-ive never been part of a group. I'm always a loner or an outsider.
-I saw a psychologist when younger as my mum was concerned about me being very gullable
-im still gullable now and am renown for this amongst friendship circles
-I struggle very much in understanding sarcasm and never quiet know how to react. I react and hope for the best.
-ive think I've nailed social small talk but its actually scary to some people who dont know me well as I ask lots of questions
-I Get obsessed easily and my thoughts can be consumed with sorting out things... anything like drawers, sheds, shelves... I love sorting!
-I only enjoy playing with my daughter when she wants me to "set something up" like a dolls house or board game like mouse trap.
- I get obsessed with running so much so that I can run too much as itll take over my life and I lose too much weight.
- current pandemic and change in routine has led me to panic attacks and anxiety so I have been prescribed propanalol from my GP which is helping.
- when I was younger I had "habits". I'm embarrassed to say I use to lick items, I use to make squeak sounds and I flick my fingers in front of my eyes near lights or looking up. I have to still stop myself getting urges to do this hand flicking with my fingers... I admitted this to my husband only last year. Its my biggest kept secret! I also love breathing in through the corners of my mouth and bending my bottom lip out. Always when no one can see as my mum use to tell me to stop but I'd just transfer it to sonething else. Oh and I still suck my thumb
-i have difficulties with smells and I clean a lot to get rid of smells. My sense of smell is like a super power and it bothers me. I'm always sniffing around trying to find where a strange smell is coming from that noone else can smell.
- my online work calendar is colourful and accurate but outside of work I'm fairly spontaneous
- I can get obsessed around topics concerning death and suicide. I read and look at awful pictures that may bother some but I have a strong morbid curiosity. I often collect semi decomposed animal parts, clean them up and keep them I know it's weird but I really like the topic of death.
I have a successful career and work as a manager in the NHS. I actually find this position of benefit ro my communication style and preferences of not being part of a team as such... its lonely but I like it.
Theres more in bits and bats but I just cant sustain friendships! And I dont know if getting an assessment would help me? Or maybe not?
If I'm not autistic that's fine! I've thought it fir long enough but my limitation in friendship bothers me.
What benefit would it give me if I knew I was autistic in mastering this area?!
I've read online stories of adults getting diagnosed but nothing seems to help or answer this question.
I know where to go and what to do, I'd even pay private as it's just for me really... but I dont know if my difficulties above are ASC or I'm just bloody weird!
Any advice would be great! Xx
PS I LOVE being weird! I just need a close friend that likes weird.
