Female suspected adult autism?

Hi, i'm also 37 and have suspected that I may be autistic for around three years now. I find it really difficult to make and keep friends although i've been lucky enough to have a couple who have stuck with me despite my quirks! I'm married with children and have fairly bad social anxiety so i'm only able to manage part time work currently. I work hard to mask when at work and so find being around others exhausting. We definitely seem to have some similarities, I twist and bend my lips and have a strong sense of smell also. I'd definitely recommend going for a private assessment if you can afford it. I've been on an NHS waiting list for 1.5 years now with no end in sight as yet. I reckon that I could be waiting for at least another year. Good luck with it all. Ps I like weird! I hope that you find your people one day x

same! i am always honest and straight forward with people and tend to have high standards. I also prefer to just see people now and then but mainly be on my own. 

Its been really helpful to see other peoples messages on here and feel that other people have similar experiences to me. Thanks 

Hello, welcome here. I liked reading your post. I wonder if I'll ever hang on to a friend. When they get close I want to escape. I just want someone like me that I can see once in a while  but not too often. 

Many friends let each other down, they borrow items and don't give them back, they break promises. Why can't they just be honest and reliable? I would never accept being unreliable . But the standard I set for myself and for others is so high that I never get a friend. 

Hey! This is the first time i have written on here and wasn't sure where to start. Having read your post and the replies though it sounds incredibly familiar, so thanks for sharing!

I am a 36 yo woman and do not have a diagnosis but my husband and i are certain i have some level of autism. 

I completely recognise your feeling of lonliness and looking at other women and feeling that you are missing something bc you are not part of a group of friends. I have struggled since childhood, i dont know what to talk about and also find the structure of conversation really difficult to follow, one topic can randomly change to another and then it feels unfinished and 'messy' in my head, i cant follow it! Also, the way that people seem to be best friends to each others faces and then speak behind each others backs is confusing to me, if i don't like someone i tend to avoid them! And knowing what level of info to share with people is also a difficult one, as a kid i was told i said thing which were inappropriate so now i tend to keep things to myself but have had feedback that i don't open up?! its exhausting. As a teenager and in early 20s i used to drink a lot to cope with social situations and then since stopping drinking i have just found that i tend to avoid them altogether. One thing i would do is try to copy how other people were with one another and i would also ask people lots of questions for some reason! To be honest though now i am in my 30s and i got diagnosed with ME/Chronic fatigue i am just trying to be myself and not put loads of energy into the 'performance of being normal'. 

I am also unsure whether to pursue getting a diagnosis as i know it is a long process and im worried someone might say that i dont have autism. 

So you say you love being weird, what defines weird in your books? 

Everything you say is almost mirrored my life. I'm 38. Have 4yr old son who is going through autism diagnosis. I woke up and had urge to do online test I believe I have aspergers. Everything I've read is me. I thought something was so wrong with me  xx

YAY!!!!! xx

I’m weird too :) yay for weirdness!

You are definitely right! i just look around at everyone having a circle of friends and just feel like i need that. I feel lonely sometimes and i also attribute my ability to not sustain friendships to me being some kind mean person and so its all very self critical. i'd rather be digging in the gardena and repotting my plans with a beer than hanging out with people. whens go out with groups, i just get really drunk so that it easer! so all in all, not healthy. I really don't know how people keep friends! especially when all they do is talk about one another behind each others back... makes no sense.  I see a therapist once a month for compassion focussed therapy and have done since last august. This is around managing my anxieties and m inability to have a positive relationship with my mum... I've learnt lots from this in terms of self compassion BUT i approach autism with my therapist and she just brushed it off, totally didn't think i did, but then again - she's not specialist.  the world is exhausting! thanks so much for you advice... and your wishes. much love xxxx

Thanks so much... you have a good day too xx

Thank you 

Thanks so much for your reply.  I think there is a lot of acceptance to do on my part... im really happy on my own! but i just see other people in these girl groups, my sister included, and i just wondered what that must be like as it looks supportive and fun. it just gets me down sometimes! perhaps the outcome of an assessment would assist in this acceptance as i currently feel like im a mean person or someone who I can't be liked. I think ill go private too - as i don't really know what i would do with the info xxx

Hi there,

I love your description of your sense of smell as a superpower - i totally identify with that - i am always sniffing, my husband goes nuts. but to date i am sure its saved my life several time (gas leaks, candles left on, electric cables melting) and i can smell infection and illness which makes hospital and drs appointments very difficult, but again i tell my husband i have saved his life, our Son and daughter’s life on many occasion (lol)

I’m age 49 and can very much relate to the experiences you describe above, i have never had a diagnosis of autism and as a child of the 70s i don’t thing autism or adhd was in the lexicon of my community, I was just viewed as the weird one in the family or sometimes the black sheep (my forthrightness was often confused for being cheeky). 

On your point of friendships, I am curious to know more about your motivation for a wider friendship circle? 

My personal experience of friendships was that to be normal in my family and community you had to have friends. I hated the label of ‘weird and cheeky’, I’m not sure at what age i did this but at some point i just stopped burying myself in books and playing on my own and decided i was going to divert this energy into cultivating friendships so i could just have a quiet life and be accepted. Over the years there have been varying degrees of success and failures but most of all it was exhausting. 

It’s taken a long time and a lot of money with my therapist who I sought out 5 years ago (wish i had done it sooner) but I’ve discovered a lot about  myself and my motivations.

For what its worth what i have learned is this:

- my perception of what a happy successful life looked like was influenced by societal expectations and norms and my behaviour was hugely influenced by this

- paying a therapist is the most worthwhile money I’ve ever spent and has helped me to navigate a world that I find very exhausting and confusing at times and Ive discovered what is important to me, I’ve learned to love and accept myself for who i am. (sounds cheesy but boy it’s a liberating feeling)

It’s a very personal decision to seek out answers to the question of “who am i or Why am i and self discovery can be a difficult process but i sincerely wish you well whatever you decide.

Warm regards

C

its very difficult managing relationships , im 17 and havent got a clue how to keep friends. just focus on your good traits because although autism brings a lot of struggles it also brings alot of advantages as well , hope you figure somthing out , have a good day :)

Majority doesn't really understand autism so a lot of people would comment negatively. What hurts the most is that you cant even retain the friendship. But with your husband being your best friend counts the most, that means there is still a chance for you to close and to trust someone to be your real friend. There would be struggles, yes, but fewer friends with good intentions are the best rather than having a larger group. What matters most is the trust and understanding.

Hi I'm Juliet and aged 66; I got diagnosed with ASC in 2018 after only two years suspicion! You certainly seem to fit the bill, I had the same problems re friends (also happily married with 2 adult sons and now grandchildren) and have really found benefits in meeting females with ASC online and in real life. But I've realised I'll never get that 'close friend' I'm looking for except my husband. But I'm ok with it now and take the positives from each relationship as I can't define friendship other than (now) accept them as a 'friend'. I went private for diagnosis and am glad I did. I then drew a line in the sand and have started living my new real life, and for the most part enjoying it. Good luck x