How did you find out?

G'day Really glad you found the video helpful. It's understandable to feel that way, but I think that overall awareness of autism has only really started to build in the last few years. You weren't to know when you were younger, but at least you're exploring it now. I hope I'm diagnosed too - it really would explain a lot.

G'day DuckBread, 

Thank you for the reply, the video was excellent. Certainly given me a great deal to think about. I'm glad you've decided to head down this path at the age you are now. It's probably the only true regret that I have because I can't help but think how much I've lost because I wasn't aware of it. As Purple Ella said, I hope that I am diagnosed with Autism rather than not. It would explain so much about myself and even if I can't get back the time that I had, it can help me to move forward in a much better way.

G'day Mountain Goat, 

Thank you for your reply. It sounds like you also had your light bulb moment. Mine was when the nurse asked me if I had dyspraxia. Whilst it didn't make me run to the doctor and start asking questions, it did open my mind a little more to the possibility of something else going on. I probably wouldn't have read the article about the ADHD and autism if not for that. Your certainly much braver than I am. There are only three people who even know that I suspect I have autism. My friend at work. She has a son with autism and I showed her the list with the article to get an idea of her experience. My counsellor of course, and my  sister in law who lives in Australia. My parents, my brother, I haven't told any of them.

G'day Trogluddite,

Thankyou for replying, I have to admit, when I first spoke to my counsellor about it and she revealed that she suspected I had autism, it was a relief. Not only that she wasn't dismissing my suspicions, which I quite likely would have had with a GP conversation  (which has happened to me before) but also that it could actually explain my depression and anxiety disorder. I know the autism doesn't cause the anxiety disorder, but missing that puzzle piece has meant that I was pushing myself to be normal, act normal, think normal and then getting frustrated when I couldn't achieve the goals that I wanted. I ended up scaling back my life in order to cope with it but now I feel like this might give me some hope.

G'day Mark, 

Thankyou for taking the time to reply. I actually have two separate cousins on the autism spectrum but as they were both picked up quite early, they do have very obvious signs. I think it's why no one ever noticed anything in me, including myself. We always had such a clear picture of what it means to have autism. It's probably why I'm resisting telling my family for as long as I can. I'd like to know for myself before I have that discussion. 

Hi - welcome to the group. 

I'm in my mid-twenties and have suspected I'm autistic for quite a long time, but I've found that some things (like sensory issues) have become more challenging as I've got older. I've struggled with my mental health for years, so when I finally got myself onto the waiting list for counselling a couple of years ago, I decided I'd pursue an autism diagnosis too. I'm hoping that the better I get to know myself, the better I'll be able to take care of my mental health. I've been through therapy for anxiety and OCD, and I'm on the waiting list for an autism assessment.

Purple Ella made a video with some great tips about getting an assessment in adulthood - you might find it helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPPIv2nILS4

I hope you find the forum helpful and get the answers you're looking for.

I am awaiting an assessment so it has yet to be confirmed.

I knew I was different. Always had been different, but I put it down to having had a different upbringing so I thought nothing much of it. My Mum is quite difderent. My Dad seemed more normal in that he seemed to be able to get on with most people without any effort (Which I always marvelled at his ability to do this as he could knock on the door of a complete strangers house and they would get along as if they had always known each other! How could he do that? I don't have a clue!), but in other ways I know he may have had certain traits which would be called meltdowns? Though if anyone is more likely to be on the spectrum it is myself and my Mum and possibly my two brothers?

But anyway.. How did I find out? 

Well. This really puzzled me. I had some rather odd moments of people asking me or telling me that they thought I was on the spectrum. The rather odd thing was that I honestly thought they were joking or playing some sort of prank! If a partial stranger said it (Someone who may not know me personaly but knows friends of friends and we may meet on the odd rare church style gathering I had to go to as Mum does not drive and our presence is required), and when a stranger said they thought I had autism, I started looking to see if someone I know had set them up to pranking me. I never knew that they were being serious! 

I actually had several things happen almost at the same time from different angles. One was that I happened to be dating a beautiful lady who is on the spectrum with Aspergers syndrome, and she has a son who was diagnosed with Autism (She was assessed after he was) and as I knew nothing about it, I obviously needed to know how it effected her. She started to tell me some things where I thought "Well that seems normal to me". Nearly everything she said were experiences that I had in life so I became really puzzled as to what Aspergers was. Only two things were different. One was that she said her brain has its own language and she translates English into her own language in her kind (Mine tends to work in picture form and I have a very visual mind)... And the other aas she said that she rocked back and fore when anxious. I don't say I have not done this, but it is rare. With me I have many other stims which are far less noticeable. Far more hidden, and with good reason too! I kept trying to ask her for more about what it means. At first she thought I was almost mocking her when I said things like "Everyone gets that" or "That seems normal to me", as I was genuinely puzzled! We reached a point when I thought "Maybe I am not normal. Maybe I have it as well?" But I was more deeply puzzled. 

When all she said and described about how the condition effects her seemed like normal everyday life to me, and I half jokingly said "I could be on the spectrum too" in a humourous sort of way... Well. She had me try a basic autism test online and the results? Well. First, I asked what some of the technical words were and one or two she knew but others she didn't know. For example, I asked what stimming was and she said rocking back and fore so I put "No", and for other terms I didn't understand I put "No" to as well. And I ended up with a boarderline result and it said "See a doctor or health professional which actually took e two years and a few attempts to ask as I kept clamming up and having to speak about other concerns).

But then towards the end of dating that beautiful hearted lady, I had a rather odd experience with a friend of mine. I would usually see him once or twice a month. I had text him now and then but had not heard from him for a while so I had assumed he changed his mobile phone. 

But then, about six months after I last heard from him he text me asking me to come down and pay him a visit. Ok. I will..

I went down and he brought me into the little room in his garage (Which was normal as I think he wasn't allowed to smoke in the house?) So I was used to the little room we used to have a chat in that had a little heater etc. His "Man cave". But strangely he had another woman in there who was not his wife. He said "Meet my new girlfriend". He has a sense of humour but I could not tell if he was serious or not, as the lady didn't let on that she wasn't his new girlfriend. 

He started to tell me about the events... How he had driven onto the Severn Bridge and committed suicide as he had reached the middle, stopped his car and jumped. He told me how people had phoned the emergency services and divers had dived 100 metres down (Or feet?) and retrieved his body. He then said how six months later he awoke from out of a coma in a hospital and they assessed him within no time at all and he was found to have high functioning autism which he said means he was an "Aspie". He said how his wife and he were having a divorce as she could not cope... Then he went on to describe how he had spent all their money etc... But anyway. After he explained that his "New girlfriend" was a carer he then said "And you are going to be spending time with her as well as you are an Aspie too!" 

Well. I just did not know what to say. I was in shock. I thought he wasn't thinking straight so I couldn't take it in. Me? An Aspie? Surely not!

All the times people kept saying that to me that I was on the spectrum... I was getting a little annoyed by then. I decided to forget trying to see my doctor to ask!

But anyway. Time went on and then at a Christian gathering I had to attend, this gentleman approached me and my youngsst brother and pulled us to the side. He started talking saying he was a health professional... But then I was called by my Mum to help an elderly gentleman so I had to go. I helped the elderly guy and after the event when we were all back home I asked my brother why he had called us. He said half jokingly "He thought you were autistic. He started to tell me a list of what he had noticed".

I asked "What was on the list?" 

He said "I don't know. Something about not making eye contact and many other things...".

"Grrr!" I thought! Another one who thinks I have autism. What is going on?" (It still had not dawned on me that I might have it. I just assumed everyone was playing pranks though this guy was a serious man who I think was a high up surgeon?).

I thought nothing more until one day I decided to look up "Protopragnosia" on Youtube as both I and my mother have the condition. This autism suggestion kept coming up. "Not even going there!" I thought to myself, but after having three continual days of watching every single video I could find about prosopragnosia, only this one video called "Ask An Autistic" remained. "Ok. You've got me. I will look at it" I reluctantly thought...

Well. I did click on it. At first the music at the start would come on a little loud as we have slower internet so it takes a few seconds of embarissment before I can quieten it down. (I was embarissed as in the past my Mum did not think I was on the spectrum, so I did not want her to hear it!)

I watched it and was amazed. The young lady said that some 60% of people who had prosopragnosia were on the autism spectrum. This was an eye opener to me. I then became hooked and watched every "Ask An Autistic" I could find, though trying to watch them secretly. I was a secret "Ask An Autistic" fan. Hahahaha!

Well. Somehow I could see a link between meltdowns and a lifelong unidentified condition that I had and had been causing me issues...

So I was then absolutely determined to ask my doctor if I had Aspergers Syndrome. Soo determined, I explained to my mother (Who didn't believe me but she agreed), as I wanted her to come in with me to see the doctor, so if I clammed up with mindblank, she could speak and ask. Forget embarissment of me being 47 and having my Mum come with me! I was that determined to find answers and I expected a "Yes" or "No" answer there and then...!

I am awaiting an assessment so it has yet to be confirmed.

I knew I was different. Always had been different, but I put it down to having had a different upbringing so I thought nothing much of it. My Mum is quite difderent. My Dad seemed more normal in that he seemed to be able to get on with most people without any effort (Which I always marvelled at his ability to do this as he could knock on the door of a complete strangers house and they would get along as if they had always known each other! How could he do that? I don't have a clue!), but in other ways I know he may have had certain traits which would be called meltdowns? Though if anyone is more likely to be on the spectrum it is myself and my Mum and possibly my two brothers?

But anyway.. How did I find out? 

Well. This really puzzled me. I had some rather odd moments of people asking me or telling me that they thought I was on the spectrum. The rather odd thing was that I honestly thought they were joking or playing some sort of prank! If a partial stranger said it (Someone who may not know me personaly but knows friends of friends and we may meet on the odd rare church style gathering I had to go to as Mum does not drive and our presence is required), and when a stranger said they thought I had autism, I started looking to see if someone I know had set them up to pranking me. I never knew that they were being serious! 

I actually had several things happen almost at the same time from different angles. One was that I happened to be dating a beautiful lady who is on the spectrum with Aspergers syndrome, and she has a son who was diagnosed with Autism (She was assessed after he was) and as I knew nothing about it, I obviously needed to know how it effected her. She started to tell me some things where I thought "Well that seems normal to me". Nearly everything she said were experiences that I had in life so I became really puzzled as to what Aspergers was. Only two things were different. One was that she said her brain has its own language and she translates English into her own language in her kind (Mine tends to work in picture form and I have a very visual mind)... And the other aas she said that she rocked back and fore when anxious. I don't say I have not done this, but it is rare. With me I have many other stims which are far less noticeable. Far more hidden, and with good reason too! I kept trying to ask her for more about what it means. At first she thought I was almost mocking her when I said things like "Everyone gets that" or "That seems normal to me", as I was genuinely puzzled! We reached a point when I thought "Maybe I am not normal. Maybe I have it as well?" But I was more deeply puzzled. 

When all she said and described about how the condition effects her seemed like normal everyday life to me, and I half jokingly said "I could be on the spectrum too" in a humourous sort of way... Well. She had me try a basic autism test online and the results? Well. First, I asked what some of the technical words were and one or two she knew but others she didn't know. For example, I asked what stimming was and she said rocking back and fore so I put "No", and for other terms I didn't understand I put "No" to as well. And I ended up with a boarderline result and it said "See a doctor or health professional which actually took e two years and a few attempts to ask as I kept clamming up and having to speak about other concerns).

But then towards the end of dating that beautiful hearted lady, I had a rather odd experience with a friend of mine. I would usually see him once or twice a month. I had text him now and then but had not heard from him for a while so I had assumed he changed his mobile phone. 

But then, about six months after I last heard from him he text me asking me to come down and pay him a visit. Ok. I will..

I went down and he brought me into the little room in his garage (Which was normal as I think he wasn't allowed to smoke in the house?) So I was used to the little room we used to have a chat in that had a little heater etc. His "Man cave". But strangely he had another woman in there who was not his wife. He said "Meet my new girlfriend". He has a sense of humour but I could not tell if he was serious or not, as the lady didn't let on that she wasn't his new girlfriend. 

He started to tell me about the events... How he had driven onto the Severn Bridge and committed suicide as he had reached the middle, stopped his car and jumped. He told me how people had phoned the emergency services and divers had dived 100 metres down (Or feet?) and retrieved his body. He then said how six months later he awoke from out of a coma in a hospital and they assessed him within no time at all and he was found to have high functioning autism which he said means he was an "Aspie". He said how his wife and he were having a divorce as she could not cope... Then he went on to describe how he had spent all their money etc... But anyway. After he explained that his "New girlfriend" was a carer he then said "And you are going to be spending time with her as well as you are an Aspie too!" 

Well. I just did not know what to say. I was in shock. I thought he wasn't thinking straight so I couldn't take it in. Me? An Aspie? Surely not!

All the times people kept saying that to me that I was on the spectrum... I was getting a little annoyed by then. I decided to forget trying to see my doctor to ask!

But anyway. Time went on and then at a Christian gathering I had to attend, this gentleman approached me and my youngsst brother and pulled us to the side. He started talking saying he was a health professional... But then I was called by my Mum to help an elderly gentleman so I had to go. I helped the elderly guy and after the event when we were all back home I asked my brother why he had called us. He said half jokingly "He thought you were autistic. He started to tell me a list of what he had noticed".

I asked "What was on the list?" 

He said "I don't know. Something about not making eye contact and many other things...".

"Grrr!" I thought! Another one who thinks I have autism. What is going on?" (It still had not dawned on me that I might have it. I just assumed everyone was playing pranks though this guy was a serious man who I think was a high up surgeon?).

I thought nothing more until one day I decided to look up "Protopragnosia" on Youtube as both I and my mother have the condition. This autism suggestion kept coming up. "Not even going there!" I thought to myself, but after having three continual days of watching every single video I could find about prosopragnosia, only this one video called "Ask An Autistic" remained. "Ok. You've got me. I will look at it" I reluctantly thought...

Well. I did click on it. At first the music at the start would come on a little loud as we have slower internet so it takes a few seconds of embarissment before I can quieten it down. (I was embarissed as in the past my Mum did not think I was on the spectrum, so I did not want her to hear it!)

I watched it and was amazed. The young lady said that some 60% of people who had prosopragnosia were on the autism spectrum. This was an eye opener to me. I then became hooked and watched every "Ask An Autistic" I could find, though trying to watch them secretly. I was a secret "Ask An Autistic" fan. Hahahaha!

Well. Somehow I could see a link between meltdowns and a lifelong unidentified condition that I had and had been causing me issues...

So I was then absolutely determined to ask my doctor if I had Aspergers Syndrome. Soo determined, I explained to my mother (Who didn't believe me but she agreed), as I wanted her to come in with me to see the doctor, so if I clammed up with mindblank, she could speak and ask. Forget embarissment of me being 47 and having my Mum come with me! I was that determined to find answers and I expected a "Yes" or "No" answer there and then...!

Welcome,

Your journey so far towards a diagnosis is not so different to how mine was, nor quite a few other diagnosed later in life (late forties for me). For those of us who are autistic but don't have intellectual disabilities, it's not at all unusual that we have a long history of everything being put down to depression and/or anxiety without anyone ever scratching deeply enough to see what underlies them. I was identified in much the same way as you - a mental health nurse was going through all my previous records from years of counselling at a triage interview when, completely out of the blue, she asked me what I knew about autism (nothing like enough, obviously, as I'd never associated my traits with the little I knew about it at all).

It's understandable that you're a bit anxious about the assessment, but I think you'll be surprised how easy you'll find it once you get there. Given the other professional opinions you've already been given informally, I think it's very unlikely that it's a wild goose chase. The psychologists who do the assessments are extremely good at digging out what they need to know - even stuff that you wouldn't think in a million years was autism related, or that you'd always tried to hide from people (or even to hide from yourself), or that you always just thought were perfectly "normal" and had never concerned you at all. All you need to do is to be honest, and it's best not try second guessing what answers are expected. Once I figured out where the assessors were coming from, I actually really enjoyed my assessment - it was the first time I got to reveal the "real me" to anyone without feeling that value judgements were being made about how "normal" or "wierd" I was.

You might also be surprised at where you place on the spectrum. I was convinced that I must have been a "borderline case" at first, but it turned out that I wasn't at all - I had just become so good at acting the part of a "normal person" that I had even fooled myself. It's not just a simple line from "low functioning" to "high functioning" - capabiliities vary hugely across all sorts of different traits and abilities, and even the formal diagnostic measures barely scratch the surface of what autism really is. The apects of autism that most people know are just behaviours - things that can be observed from the outside - but the true core of autism goes a lot deeper than that, and it's not unusual that we never suspected that those deeper things were any different to other people. It's also very common for autism to occur with other conditions. ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, epilepsy, and a whole host of others are very common for autistic people; it's debatable whether some of them are even separate conditions or just part and parcel of some people's autism - particularly the so-called "executive functioning" differences associated with ADHD, which are extremely common.

Best wishes.

Hello/ I'm new here too. I was diagnosed a few years ago in my late forties and I am so glad I was. I actually cried with relief when I had my autism confirmed.

Like you, I have ling term mental health problems and I have always been different. I was increasingly struggling at work because of being assessed against behaviours as well as my actual work. My mother had suggested a few years earlier that I might be autistic but I had resisted, not wanting the label. But the world had moved on. There was now much more help and support available, including reasonable adjustments at work. I also had a new partner who worked with special needs children and saw many of the same things in me that she saw in the autistic children she taught.

It was a scary step but it was right for me at that time. It explained so much and helped me understand who I am and why. I did worry that I would be found not to be autistic, but in retrospect I don't think there was ever a doubt.

You have to make your own decision, but it has worked out well for me.