Is it abusive to ask for help when desperate?

Is it abusive to ask for help?

Per se? No, of course not.

However; to varying degrees, and in no particular order, it may perceived as abusive to...

• Pester people who have made clear that they are not in a position to help you.
• Expect forms or degrees of help which are beyond the remit or resources of a helper.
• Expect a disproportionate share of limited resources or unfair prioritisation.
• Imply that inability to, or refusal of, help is the cause of your suffering or its furtherance (emotional blackmail).
• Use abusive, disrespectful, or dismissive language when requesting help.
• Accuse others who also require help of interfering with your own access to it.
• Expect subordinates to overcome systemic or institutional problems.

Could any or all of the above, or the reasons for them, be assumed or deduced incorrectly? Certainly.

Might the traits of autism make such misunderstandings more likely? Certainly; indeed, it has happened to me more than once.

Does any of the above apply to your current circumstances? I have no way to know for sure. But even if so, I don't see how  repeatedly posting heavily loaded questions on an internet support forum is likely to be productive; and responders are entitled to give you the advice which they reasonably believe you might need to hear, and are not obliged to give you the advice that you want to hear, no matter how many times you rephrase the problem.

I do sympathise with what I understand of your situation, and I am all too familiar with perserveration; but as Plastic has already suggested, there are times when the best that can be done is to let sleeping dogs lie, no matter how injust this might feel or be in fact. My opinion is that the kind of help you would be better off seeking is help to come to terms with your current situation and the mental health consequences of what has happened to you; and keeping in mind that the kind of services which might provide this are not in a position to help you to correct past injustices, and that it is unreasonable to ask this of them.

Is it abusive to ask for help?

Per se? No, of course not.

However; to varying degrees, and in no particular order, it may perceived as abusive to...

• Pester people who have made clear that they are not in a position to help you.
• Expect forms or degrees of help which are beyond the remit or resources of a helper.
• Expect a disproportionate share of limited resources or unfair prioritisation.
• Imply that inability to, or refusal of, help is the cause of your suffering or its furtherance (emotional blackmail).
• Use abusive, disrespectful, or dismissive language when requesting help.
• Accuse others who also require help of interfering with your own access to it.
• Expect subordinates to overcome systemic or institutional problems.

Could any or all of the above, or the reasons for them, be assumed or deduced incorrectly? Certainly.

Might the traits of autism make such misunderstandings more likely? Certainly; indeed, it has happened to me more than once.

Does any of the above apply to your current circumstances? I have no way to know for sure. But even if so, I don't see how  repeatedly posting heavily loaded questions on an internet support forum is likely to be productive; and responders are entitled to give you the advice which they reasonably believe you might need to hear, and are not obliged to give you the advice that you want to hear, no matter how many times you rephrase the problem.

I do sympathise with what I understand of your situation, and I am all too familiar with perserveration; but as Plastic has already suggested, there are times when the best that can be done is to let sleeping dogs lie, no matter how injust this might feel or be in fact. My opinion is that the kind of help you would be better off seeking is help to come to terms with your current situation and the mental health consequences of what has happened to you; and keeping in mind that the kind of services which might provide this are not in a position to help you to correct past injustices, and that it is unreasonable to ask this of them.

I was in the same position he was in after I lost my job in 2004. The world was against me. It stems from our black-and-white mindset. We struggle to read between the lines - the main reason I lagged well behind the rest of my class at comprehension. It only clicked at GCSE time, and I got a C in English. (my wordiness and understanding of irony/humour came from online friends)