I've suspected for a very long time I am on the autistic spectrum. I don't have an official diagnosis, nor have asked to be referred. It just makes sense to me and explainsso much of my life and experience. I've just felt others experience me as 'weird' all my life. I have a professional job, a grown child and I am a grandmother. I don't particularly like labels, but I did do the AT test and scored 32. Sometimes, particularly at work, I have to do a lot of self talk to try and not be weird. It's exhausting :) I work hard at being sociable, at connecting, and listening. I'm very self aware and don't have any difficulty reading other's clues. I've realised I am more myself, so to speak, as I've grown older. Sometimes, however, there is that moment at work (I have to attend a lot of meetings) I wish I could just be able to say I am on the spectrum. I'm hard of hearing and have no difficulty telling people this, to help explain I don't always pick up.
I believe I have some ways of being that are very highly valued, in the right environment and team, and can contribute a lot. But gosh I feel so sad when I think of all my childhood and life feeling it's safer being alone than having to 'hide' or 'mask' who I am. I've only fairly recently my 'hair twirling', which soothes and settles me, is likely related 
So, hello and questions are .... is it ok to identify without going through referral and diagnosis? Also, is anyone else here my age and feeling similarly?
