Exhaustion and burnout

I delivered a massive project last year, on time etc. But I sit here wondering how on earth I did it and when I will ever get my drive and sharpness back. 

Hmmm. I know this feeling so well my friend. Every day is a roller coaster of demand avoidance interspersed with precious minutes of focus.

It took me until 3 o’clock today to achieve anything worthwhile. I was walking through the office wondering how much work everyone else had achieved compared to me.

Yesterday I was chatting to the Occ Health nurse (she has an ASD brother so she is sympathetic) and she was asking if I need to consider whether I am in the right job. It’s a question I’ve been running from.

It may well be that my job used to be the right one before I fell into the pit that meno-mania (peri-menopause) is. My executive function seems to have deteriorated so far I’m not even sure if work adaptations will permit me to stay in my role.

It’s difficult when you’ve questioned your abilities your whole life rather than being supremely confident. Will I ever be as capable as I used to be again? Will I be forced to resign? Will I be taken down the capability route? How can I defend myself when even I doubt my own capabilities? I just don’t know.

Sometimes I think I can get control and other times I’m spinning out of control and frozen with anxiety.

Hi!! I totally relate to this. Yeah, i experience this every single day of my life. I only relax today's night and tomorrow. Then, on sundays my anxiety returns. This is my life. But i never give up. The show must go on. I just try to keep calm and carry on. Carry on with my routines. It's very important to work, to have a routine. People don't care if i am a creep, as long as i do my job. You are not alone.

I have ups and downs, maybe your a bit like me and if so you will no doubt find something to lift your spirits. 

I seem to have more burnout than productivity recently. The distractions and obstacles seem so compelling. And the sound of the guy opposite me gulping water makes me want to scream. Can't....... Knuckle...... Down....... 

My project just seems to be words jumping around on a screen.  Plus my eyes get really tired. Hope its just a glitch I'm going through. 

I have been braking the last two weeks, but I think today I might of gotten over the worst of it although I'm currently hiding in the back room eating a keyboard sized dairy chocolate slab so who knows. 

johnsb said:

I didn't realise this until quite recently, and I think it affects me more badly than it did in the past, but I'm sure it's always been there. It seems that ideally I need everything to be perfectly organised, everything to have its place

I have found this in myself, 

I can create some really complex and exhausting time consuming thing with ease. 

But something simple that is fragmented, I need time to de-fragment the whole thing so I can step by step sort it. 

I had a burnout today.

Now, I'm relaxing.

Are the tasks simple? How many different steps are there in carrying out a task? I have terrible problems starting and finishing things that I have the physical and intellectual ability, and the skills and experience, to do, but my head won't let me do them.

Not a work example, unless you're a gardener, but when I cut my grass I routinely check and top up the oil in the mower, clean the air filter, add petrol, then start the mower, and get on with the mowing. Each step is very simple, but if I need, for example, to adjust the drive belt, which is also simple, it's quite likely that the grass won't get cut that day. Also if I didn't know exactly where the oil and filling funnel is, or couldn't find a rag or bit of kitchen paper to wipe the dipstick on, the mowing may not get done. Any extra steps, or not being able to find something I need for the usual steps, can make the job overwhelming.

I didn't realise this until quite recently, and I think it affects me more badly than it did in the past, but I'm sure it's always been there. It seems that ideally I need everything to be perfectly organised, everything to have its place where I know I will always be able to find it, and to have dedicated workspaces for specific tasks. But getting that set up is a massive task with multiple steps, and I'm bad at putting things away and keeping things tidy! I even struggle with things I enjoy, want to do, or will have a beneficial outcome.

Getting exhausted isn't surprising, when simple tasks can take that much effort, and every step means finishing the previous one, then making the effort to start the next.