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Odd thought occurring in regards to social interaction.

Lothian Tam

Now don't get me wrong folks, likely this has been gone over to death in older threads, but being somewhat lazy as I am, figured I might as well poke and post my own to see if there'd be fresh takes or replies. 

So, I've been diagnosed since say, seven or eight, been a while and trying to remember the exact time frame is becoming a hassle, ye auld age and that. But has any other mid to high functional found they're unable to initiate conversations, but at the same time, someone begins one with us, we can dive right in without an issue? This obviously wouldn't be an issue early on during schooling years, for the fact that you're forced in social situations regardless thanks to overcrowded classrooms and all that lovely stuff. It only really becomes an issue later on in life as that circle of 'forced' interaction shrinks, any other hermit Autistic like me might be in the same spot. Now, I'm not as to whether this is some form of autistic related issue, or if it's simply a by product of some kind of anxiety disorder that's grown around me if that makes sense? Almost akin to a cocoon, if my odd metaphor makes sense to anyone else. 

Any input or discussion would greatly interest me, been out of contact with many other Ausitics since the school days were done. 

Also, first post, if by chance I've created this in the wrong sub forum, apologies in advance. 

  • in reply to Beefree

    Can I sum it up by saying that this is the first time ever I have not had issues with conversations and small talk. 
    I won’t phone or talk to people over the phone unless I have to. At work the lads are always chatting but I have no clue what to say 99% of the time and when I do I seem to ramble and pee everyone off as I won’t shut up. So normally I keep quiet nowadays. 
    On another angle I very often (all the time) misjudge sarcasms and jokes said to me  by people and often get angry and upset as I take it literally and believe they are always having a go at me.

  • Yeap I have this problem 100%. Even if it is work related I generally have to plan my first line to open the discussion and a line of subsequent questioning and answers based on predictions of what the other person may say in response. This is based on the talking and thinking pattern of the other person that I store in my memory and I gradually formulate and refine over time.

    This takes a lot of effort!!!! So social interaction really is kept to a minimum. 

  • in reply to Boating_taxonomist

    Hell, assuming I can even get beyond the the whole starting phase with someone else making the leap to engage the creepily silent person, the conversation goes the usual route, with myself trying to understand their perspective by interjecting some past experience from my own daftness. 

    We really are some bundle of fun, again, we can do it fairly fine apparently when there's no face in front of us, eg, here and other forums, but put us in front of a stranger and whoo hoo, you're asking too much too quickly. No wonder we struggle getting employed beyond IT sector if even that.

    Was fairly young when I was diagnosed, and it was the early nineties just as advances in the understanding of the syndrome was taking place, apparently their assessment came down to something like:

    Will not be able to read.

    Will not function at all.

    And all the usual doom and gloom, sods were apparently keen on sending me to an away school/institution for folks on the lower end of things, thank fickley feck I managed to avoid that.   

  • I can say this with certainty,

    If I am to interact with a person frequently or even once a week then it's difficult to chit chat,

    .(now I'm going to swear so if this upsets you then skip this bracketed line.

    I'm scare to comfortably talk because growing up I was told by everyone, that I talked ***, no matter how many times I asked not one of them could explain what talking *** was or what I was saying was ***,

    so I just stopped talking to everyone really for years ha.)

    Anyway if I feel like I won't meet a person again I don't mind speaking to them and normally it's a short conversation, but sometimes it a long and random one I prefer the latter. 

  • I have trouble in that I often have confidence to make the first step, but don't know where to go after that unless the other person is chatty. Eg a neighbour down thr street has a nice garden. I was walking past and went over to tell him. Then I didn't know what to say afterr "you have a lovely garden".

  • Trouble initiating conversations is definitely an autistic thing. I'm usually fine if people talk to me, but I'm not able to start things off really, and I don't always remember to reciprocate, like asking questions (I know in an academic way I'm meant to do it, and I've learnt to recognise a particular awkward silence as my cue to go 'and what about you?' but that requires being 'switched on' and really paying attention) so I tend to rely on the other person to keep things going. My diagnostic report was replete with the word 'passive' which I would agree with. When I don't know what the flip I'm doing I end up hanging back until someone else has made it clear what I'm meant to be doing, or does it for me (e.g. I let other people I'm with introduce me and give me a way into a conversation).