Published on 12, July, 2020
I was feeling depressed earlier on, then stumbled onto some stand up comedy videos on YouTube and began to feel a bit better. Makes me wonder if more people are depressed now because the art of telling a joke is dying out a bit.
So how about a joke thread?
I was driving in the car the other day and I had an awful accident. I got out and the other driver did too, he was a little man. He had an awfully sour look on his face. I said, "Are you grumpy?" He said, "No." I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
This one has always been my favourite: (145) Colin Mochrie [nick nack paddy wack] - YouTube
Bloke standing at the bar looks over and sees the pub dog licking it's ***. He says to the barman, 'I wish I could do that'. The barman says, 'Well, give him a cheese and onion crisp, and he might let you'.
:-)
I like that. I only have two feet and I still prefer velcro!
And some more.....
What did the explorer say when he found water in 3 places in the desert?
"Well, well, well !....."
A magician worked on a cruise ship.. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It’s not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!” Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...
"OK, I give up. Where's the bloomin' ship?"
Hello DC! I hope you are well? Thank you for the mention of my caption this threads. I might have to start up another one next month
And this too! I might have to return to this thread later
And this
What a good idea @Roswell to start a joke thread and bring a bit of humour to the forum I’m just going to have to post some really cheesey jokes now
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/miscellaneous-and-chat/16805/say-something-silly-give-bad-advice-things-that-will-really-wind-someone-up-things-that-wind-you-up-favourite-word/
...There are some other "Jokey" Threads upon this Forum if You are looking for that sort of Thing; the Link I post there is to the most recent one (before this one). Try the search box... but most of all, also have a look at the little bunch of "Caption This!" Threads.
I'm not great at jokes... but I have learnt how to juggle clocks.
Guess I have too much time on my hands.
I m sorry to leave the fun for now, but I've been up since 0600 this morning and I need to crash now. Hope some others will join in !
A man was at a high society party and he said to the woman next to him, "If I offered you £1 million would you sleep with me?" She said, "I imagine so." He said, "What if I offered you £1?" She gave him a slap. "What kind of woman do you think I am?" He said, "We've already established that, now we're just negotiating your going rate."
Here's another.
Someone suggested working in a mirror factory.
At last, a job I can really see myself doing
Good idea! I liked that