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Autism and perception of reality

NarwhalGirl

Hi. So this feels like it might be a really weird question, but i dont know who else to ask. Do you ever feel like things in the past didnt really... well... happen? For example, i lived abroad for six years (age 8-14). I'm 19 now. I know it happened. I remember it. I can look at pictures. But i feel almost like i watched it on tv, like it wasnt actually real. When we lived abroad, i felt as if my life in my home country hadnt actually happend. Like i had drempt it, or something. I talked to family over skype, but i still didnt really feel 100 percent.

This also happens with future things, like taking a trip. No matter how many pictures i look at or even when we are at the airport, it just wont sink in. Im going to get a kitten in a couple months. Ive decided. I have the money, i have the breeder. I look at their facebook page 3 times a day. I know im getting that kitten. But something is off.

This probably doesnt make any sense. Its hard because i feel like my brain is messed up, like my perception of reality is off somehow. Sorry for the long rant. Im really hoping some of you have felt similar to this!!

Parents

  • I think there's a part of me that's detached from reality. I partially switch off from things I can't cope with, or can't make happen, and fill in the gaps in my imagination. I'm trying to write up about this, and my other weirdness, at the moment, for an appointment on Monday, so can't spend time and energy writing something here too. But I think I recognise something similar to what you've described, but not exactly the same.

  • in reply to johnsb

    Yes! I agree with filling in gaps with imagination. I hate the feeling if not being able to remember if I imagined something or if it was real. I dont mean like purple elephants and flying pigs imagination, just whether I did or didn't do something, or if I did or didn't talk to someone.

    I think this causes me to question whole blocks of time from my past, as if I must have imagined them (even though I know they were real).

    So confusing to try to explain XD. I'd love to read your writing when it's finished, if you'd be comfortable sharing it here!

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  • in reply to johnsb

    Yes! I agree with filling in gaps with imagination. I hate the feeling if not being able to remember if I imagined something or if it was real. I dont mean like purple elephants and flying pigs imagination, just whether I did or didn't do something, or if I did or didn't talk to someone.

    I think this causes me to question whole blocks of time from my past, as if I must have imagined them (even though I know they were real).

    So confusing to try to explain XD. I'd love to read your writing when it's finished, if you'd be comfortable sharing it here!

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