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Autism and perception of reality

NarwhalGirl

Hi. So this feels like it might be a really weird question, but i dont know who else to ask. Do you ever feel like things in the past didnt really... well... happen? For example, i lived abroad for six years (age 8-14). I'm 19 now. I know it happened. I remember it. I can look at pictures. But i feel almost like i watched it on tv, like it wasnt actually real. When we lived abroad, i felt as if my life in my home country hadnt actually happend. Like i had drempt it, or something. I talked to family over skype, but i still didnt really feel 100 percent.

This also happens with future things, like taking a trip. No matter how many pictures i look at or even when we are at the airport, it just wont sink in. Im going to get a kitten in a couple months. Ive decided. I have the money, i have the breeder. I look at their facebook page 3 times a day. I know im getting that kitten. But something is off.

This probably doesnt make any sense. Its hard because i feel like my brain is messed up, like my perception of reality is off somehow. Sorry for the long rant. Im really hoping some of you have felt similar to this!!

  • in reply to Autistic Entrepreneur

    Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it 

  • There is what I call the 'always-forever' perception. I don't know exactly why but our sense of reality tends to be much more rooted in the present moment, and it's hard to conceive of them having been different, even though we know they were.

    Same with upcoming changes, in particular since the future is by nature an abstract concept, again our sense of reality is rooted in current experience, until we experience it as a more tangible thing in our present it won't quite feel right

    This isn't a disassociation with reality, if anything it's a more intense association with the present, and emotionally detaching from things no longer in your life. Remember it is emotional attachment that gives memories their sense of reality, letting go of these things is perfectly healthy.

  • Yes can totally see shat you are saying. I am much older (50) and I feel much more in tune with what happened in my childhood than what happened a few years ago. Some things I have great memories of and it feels real, and others don't. I also have selective memory, like I have blotted out senior school as I hated it, but loved junior school and havelots of memories. So yes what you are experiencinmg is not uncommon.

  • There is no objective proof of our reality, philosophically or even scientifically. Most psychiatrists believe such thinking is a symptom of illness, but no philosopher has provided us with proof (and God knows they've tried.) 

    We live in a tiny space which exists where the past and present meet. Very little outside that immediate space seems particularly real. However, illusion or not, we still have to deal with it.

    I think the fact you were uprooted in your childhood at least twice doesn't help. I had this too. I think the child's mind dissociates in order to protect itself, and the ASD doesn't help. You might be interested to know that boarding school children often face similar challenges. 

  • I can completely relate to this. My whole life feels like a dream. My head feels messed up as does everything I touch at the moment!

  • in reply to johnsb

    Yes! I agree with filling in gaps with imagination. I hate the feeling if not being able to remember if I imagined something or if it was real. I dont mean like purple elephants and flying pigs imagination, just whether I did or didn't do something, or if I did or didn't talk to someone.

    I think this causes me to question whole blocks of time from my past, as if I must have imagined them (even though I know they were real).

    So confusing to try to explain XD. I'd love to read your writing when it's finished, if you'd be comfortable sharing it here!

  • in reply to Robert124

    Thank you for sharing, this sounds similar to how I feel :) 

  • The most unusual detachment from reality was when I was sent on a two week holiday to north Wales with a school.

    Throughout the whole two weeks I felt as If I wasn't really there.  My mind was numb and it felt as if, it was wrapped in very thick cotton wool and I was very tiny in the centre.

    As soon as I arrived home, I felt ok again.

  • I think there's a part of me that's detached from reality. I partially switch off from things I can't cope with, or can't make happen, and fill in the gaps in my imagination. I'm trying to write up about this, and my other weirdness, at the moment, for an appointment on Monday, so can't spend time and energy writing something here too. But I think I recognise something similar to what you've described, but not exactly the same.