Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, so glad to come across such a supportive community I really need the advice of an ASD adult! I see many signs in my partner, do you think he is undiagnosed ASD? Does any of this resonate? Help! I’m desperate for answers thanks so much!
These are some of the signs I see:
he’s very black and white about things, believes there is a right and wrong way of doing something. And his way is the right way
he likes structure and routine. He makes plans and can’t be spontaneously, any change in plans makes him panic and kind of shut down and become non responsive
he gets very unreasonable and acts childish, demanding and like a tantrum, if he is asked to do something he doesn’t want to do.
he struggles to work as a team and compromising with him is like pulling teeth.
He likes to work alone, doesn’t do great with coworkers. he’s incredibly detailed and hard working. I’m so proud of his work ethic and how he takes his job seriously and gives 100% very day. He never does things half way of he puts his mind to it
he isn’t very social, likes people, but is better one on one and in deeper conversations. He hates small-talk and it drains him. Also large groups stress him out and make him uncomfortable, he avoids them as much as he can. He’s absolutely wonderful with people in the right setting. Many people confide him in and consider him to be a close friend.
he struggles to open up about himself to me and and friends, even his best friends. He is a very good listener. His friends don’t seem to know much about him.
he can be very critical, often seeing the problem in an idea before seeing the good. He gives and vice and his opinion easily but can almost never receive advice. He gets upset when criticized.
he is hyper sensitive. If he is corrected or criticized he gets defensive or angry. He is rarely open to other people’s opinions. This makes it very challenging for me
he thinks for a long time about things before getting back to me he’s an internal processor and slow coming to an opinion.
hes very intelligent and was at the top of his class in school he has musical talent and is an accomplished musician. He has a bachelors and masters degree and was the top on many of his graduate program courses. he’s a good public speaker
he can be obsessive. He used to obsess about being a the best as a musician and practiced so much he wouldn’t eat or socialize or take a day off. Now he obsessed about his job and has to do it perfectly. He has a very hard time taking a day off and prefers to be productive on weekends instead of rest
I feel upset and ignored when he would rather be alone than spend a few hours hanging out with me
hes incredibly loyal, kind, and sweet to me so loyal, he would never look at another woman. I am everything to him. he has never done one thing in his life to intentionally spite me, but he hurts and upsets me when he is difficult about demanding his way or when he says something thoughtless
he likes to be at home because it feels like it’s his safe place. He’s rather do the same thing every day than to try new things he doesn’t like new foods, and doesn’t like to go new places
sometimes he does small things in a social setting that seem inappropriate like walking away during conversation. Or saying no to people and getting upset when they ask him to do something. it seems rude
he’s a stickler for rules, he can’t tell a white lie, he has to be honest even when that frustrates other people
he can be unintentionally blunt. Sometimes I’ll talk about my feeling and he will change the subject instead of responding with an encouragement or acknowledgement of the feelings. He can be empathetic but he also missed emotional cues
Hello Kassandra. I am 45 years old and was referred to the mental health team for severe anxiety and depression. I’ve been assessed for almost a year and now I have realised that I am autistic as are both my children who are 23 and 13.
This has knocked me for six. I went wanting help for depression only to realise that my whole life has been touched by my condition.
I think the fact that I’ve worked this out before the assessment is finished will help me when I get the official outcome, however the waves of emotions and realisations are completely overwhelming and I’m almost in disbelief despite concrete evidence!
Be mindful of how he could react as I think my own defensiveness in the past has prevented me from getting diagnoses for myself or my son, as I took it as criticism and would not hear anything I didn’t want to hear. I suppose I needed to figure it out for myself.
Good luck
Thank you so much for this honest input. I see it’s been very hard for you to accept your diagnosis because the implications affect so much of your life. I really hope that getting insight will help you and grow your strengths in the years to come! I hope that you will have break through with you depression/anxiety and find health and peace of mind. <3
Your advice reminds me I must be very cautious about when to bring this up to him. And to be prepared for the worst if he gets defensive and rejects the idea. After thinking it over and praying, I feel like the best approach is to find myself a mentor or friend whom I can process this with, who will be willing to learn about autism and help me emotionally on the journey. Then I’ll be prepared for his reaction whatever it will be. And I’ll be standing by him as he sorts out next steps.