Letting go of the past whilst not letting your past be your future

Hi there, good morning to all.

How is everyone?

Hope all of you are well.

It has been a while since I last used the community forum page.

For those, who don't much about me.

I am autistic since age 15.

I live with my Mother and Sister in London.

I do have other siblings (me being the youngest).

As well as other relatives.

What has brought me here today is partly because of what happened then/what is happening now.

To elaborate, during past times in particular final days, saying goodbye etc.

I do find that a problem.

But, I am sure I am not the only one.

Since primary school. I haven't taken too kindly or coped well with endings or farewells.

At the time, I was too young to understand transition and growing up.

But, it is more of the recent events at a college (I use to attend).

I initially, joined the college under a supported internship course.

With the aim of securing a job whilst learning work-related skills and going under an internship.

When I first joined the college two years ago, I couldn't even stand the place or individuals there.

My perception wasn't that great to start with. 

It was a mixture of feelings, nervousness and fear of failing or potentially becoming attached.

Despite still disliking the place and having difficulties.

I have learnt more things than I ever thought possible.

Whether it be self discovery, challenging thoughts, getting to the real truth.

And it made me realise that there was a lot more hidden areas that I never fully acknowledged or had the right amount of support.

I have had so many not-so-good days.

In turn, I have had a lot more positive days.

I do miss some parts such as the friendships or those who made me feel great and welcoming.

Before, I knew it.

I started to believe in myself and learned to trust others.

I am not saying to tell everything on the spot.

But, I could feel a sense of history repeating itself.

One of the things, I was fearful about.

Being too attached to someone.

Long story short though college has ended.

I have now secured a role in employment as a Facilities Assistant.

As much as I try to adjust to my role and 'moving forward'.

I am still struggling with that.

But, its not all bittersweet.

I have secured my first ever job despite all the trials and tribulations.

Such as going all above and beyond various sectors/providers one being from my local borough.

The odds were stacked against me.

Even I, started to believe I wouldn't have a job.

I look back but I also look forward.