It hurts

I have physical health problems. Having a bath makes me tired.

Washing pots tires me out. I'm struggling to just survive.

I can't work. I have anxiety and depression.

I've got no friends.

I've always been rejected.

It looks like I will never mean anything to anyone who matters to me.

Why was I ever born? I understand how. Two human beings mate. I just don't see any reason to anything.

Nobody likes me. I'm in pain. 

I've been trying to get help from the NHS and social services and it keeps getting kicked further down the line. I'm having to wait over a month to meet someone about direct payments. That's just a meeting to being to set it up. It's all bureaucracy, waiting. 

Some of the people I live near are making me feel depressed, I can't bear being near them. I want a different life, a better one, I don't know how to get it. I'm trying but I'm struggling just to do the basics, physically. And mentally. 

I practiced the guitar today and I keep getting better but I can only manage 30 minutes at the most. My arm is literally knackered, it happens most times. I don't know if I'll ever have the strength to do what I want to do, busk in public. 

I need a special diet, it has to be gluten free, dairy free and nightshade free and low in any food hard to digest. Mostly I can just eat white rice, vegetables, fruit and meat. I can't just eat out all the time or live on ready meals, that would be easy if I could but I can't. 

It hurts.

Parents
  • I'm really sorry to hear you're in pain. I also struggle with my physical and mental health, and it can be really tough sometimes. Practising the guitar sounds like a good outlet - even if you can only manage a few minutes a day, progress is progress.

    Have you tried podcasts or audiobooks? I find that they really help me to take my mind off things, and I love learning something new. You can listen from the comfort of your bed/sofa if your energy levels are low. The BBC Sounds app has a huge collection of content, so that might be worth a try.

    Is there anyone (e.g. a close family member) you could temporarily move in with... even if it's just visiting for a day or two? It might help to get away from your neighbours and have a break from your responsibilities for a couple of days.

    Take care of yourself - I hope you feel better soon.

Reply
  • I'm really sorry to hear you're in pain. I also struggle with my physical and mental health, and it can be really tough sometimes. Practising the guitar sounds like a good outlet - even if you can only manage a few minutes a day, progress is progress.

    Have you tried podcasts or audiobooks? I find that they really help me to take my mind off things, and I love learning something new. You can listen from the comfort of your bed/sofa if your energy levels are low. The BBC Sounds app has a huge collection of content, so that might be worth a try.

    Is there anyone (e.g. a close family member) you could temporarily move in with... even if it's just visiting for a day or two? It might help to get away from your neighbours and have a break from your responsibilities for a couple of days.

    Take care of yourself - I hope you feel better soon.

Children