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It hurts

Roswell

I have physical health problems. Having a bath makes me tired.

Washing pots tires me out. I'm struggling to just survive.

I can't work. I have anxiety and depression.

I've got no friends.

I've always been rejected.

It looks like I will never mean anything to anyone who matters to me.

Why was I ever born? I understand how. Two human beings mate. I just don't see any reason to anything.

Nobody likes me. I'm in pain. 

I've been trying to get help from the NHS and social services and it keeps getting kicked further down the line. I'm having to wait over a month to meet someone about direct payments. That's just a meeting to being to set it up. It's all bureaucracy, waiting. 

Some of the people I live near are making me feel depressed, I can't bear being near them. I want a different life, a better one, I don't know how to get it. I'm trying but I'm struggling just to do the basics, physically. And mentally. 

I practiced the guitar today and I keep getting better but I can only manage 30 minutes at the most. My arm is literally knackered, it happens most times. I don't know if I'll ever have the strength to do what I want to do, busk in public. 

I need a special diet, it has to be gluten free, dairy free and nightshade free and low in any food hard to digest. Mostly I can just eat white rice, vegetables, fruit and meat. I can't just eat out all the time or live on ready meals, that would be easy if I could but I can't. 

It hurts.

  • Hi ,

    I am so sorry to here about some of the difficulties you have been facing. Thank you for sharing this with us as it’s a really important step in getting support.

    You may find it useful to contact the Autism Helpline team who can provide you with support and advice. You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform:https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions

    However, If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.

     If it’s outside your GP hours call  111  to reach the NHS 111 service:   http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx 

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.

    I hope this helps,

    Chloe Mod.

  • in reply to DuckBread

    I cannot say in words what my reply is, but you know what it is.

  • I'm really sorry to hear you're in pain. I also struggle with my physical and mental health, and it can be really tough sometimes. Practising the guitar sounds like a good outlet - even if you can only manage a few minutes a day, progress is progress.

    Have you tried podcasts or audiobooks? I find that they really help me to take my mind off things, and I love learning something new. You can listen from the comfort of your bed/sofa if your energy levels are low. The BBC Sounds app has a huge collection of content, so that might be worth a try.

    Is there anyone (e.g. a close family member) you could temporarily move in with... even if it's just visiting for a day or two? It might help to get away from your neighbours and have a break from your responsibilities for a couple of days.

    Take care of yourself - I hope you feel better soon.