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Discovering that I might be autistic.

NAS64956

Until this point i'd never really know what autism or Asperger's syndrome is. This all changed when I started at a new 6th form college and I made a friend. The first friend i'd made for a very long time. 

I discovered that he was on the spectrum a few weeks ago and I decided to do some research into autism.

This has been a turning point for me, my life finally seems to make sense from a social perspective. When i started reading the signs and some of the statements from autism.org.uk i felt as if I was reading about me. Discovering autism explains a lot about me and my behaviour. A lot of the signs in adults (NHS) match with myself. Other cases i've read about also feel as if i'm reading a book about my own life.

I did the Autism-spectrum quotient (50 questions) test online and i've scored between 44 out of 50. Looking at the graph from the research paper, this would indicate that there is a high likelihood of an autism spectrum condition. However, of course, an online test is not a diagnosis. 

When i told my friend about this, he told me he thought i was on the spectrum... When i told a trusted member of staff about this, she stated "I was wondering when you would come to me about this" - They both seemed to have this feeling that I might be on the spectrum.

I'm not really sure how I feel about this. Part of me does not want to believe that I might be autistic because no one has ever pointed this out in the past17 years of my life. But part of me wants to believe that I might be autistic as it explains a lot about my life. 

I'm unsure if I want to pursue a diagnosis. I'm feeling a bit confused.

Parents

  • I've recently been diagnosed ASD Level 1 (Asperger's) at the age of 55.  I wish I'd known earlier as it would have (perhaps) made a difference to some of my choices/experiences. Personally I can't see a down side to having a clear diagnosis but then I have managed to function reasonably well, despite socialising issues and some conversation limitations. I have a good job and was married for 30yrs, unfortunately recently widowed.  I would think if you are continuing your education you have good potential for a fulfilling future.

  • in reply to NAS64749

    Thanks.

    Although i'm fairly confident that I might be somewhere on the spectrum (probably close to aspergers). Part of me self doubts this. 

    My major "issues" are (non exhaustive):

    • Socialising - I struggle to make small talk and I don't talk to someone unless they initiate the conversation. I've never really made a good friend until this point. The "friends" i have had before have just turned out to be people who either wanted something from me or used me. I've never shared "age typical" interests with people such as football, TV or anything else. I've always been described as someone who talks like an adult and as such have never really fitted in. 
    • Social situations tend to make make me anxious and i'll do anything to get out of them. 
    • I overreact to loud noises or sudden unexpected noises - people usually take the mickey out of me because of this. For example a loud bang or someone scrunching paper. 
    • Routine - my life is routine, I do the same thing day in day out. if I know at a specific time I'm going to meet with someone and it does not happen, i get quite upset. I also overplan everything to a point that is not described as "normal" e.g navigation
    • Odd Interests - Whenever I walk into a building I notice things that are deemed as "odd". Minute details in electrical, joinery and paintwork, arrangement of ceiling tiles, brand of light fixtures and bulbs. 

    Why I think I might not be autistic or on the spectrum:

    1. I would not say I have many issues with non verbal communication, i'm okay with it. However, I am sometimes accused of staring during a conversation. I have also have been asked repeatedly over the years why I don't smile. I might be happy about something but I don't smile. Others never seem to understand this. 
    2. I don't experience "meltdowns" - I usually just temporarily freeze or just walk away to escape a social situation. 
    3. I would not say my life has been majorly impacted. I've learned to live with rejection, no or 1-2 friends and social isolation but i've always found a way to cope. 

    What was the process like getting a diagnosis as an adult?

  • in reply to NAS64956

    a freeze is a "shutdown" which is just as common as "meltdown". have a look at some links - eg https://www.autismwestmidlands.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Meltdown_shutdown.pdf

    Well done for talking to your friend and your teacher about your thoughts. It's good that you have trusted people you can confide in. (I'm a secondary school teacher by the way)

    Why don't you do some reading (books/online) about autism? "Freaks Geeks and Asperger syndrome" is a good book for teenagers, and there is the "curly girl" book series/website as well (some of which needs a paid subscription though).

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