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Disappointed in myself

EmmaGiggles

I'm not sure if anyone else on the spectrum feels this way but I am so disappointed in myself and most of the time really hate who I am.

My name is Emma and I'm 22, nearly 23, and my life feels empty and pointless. I'm fortunate to have a loving and supportive family, they have always been there for me and I love them all more than anything.

But I hate myself and it's becoming a real problem. I've never liked myself since I was diagnosed and as I've got older that feeling has only gotten stronger. I'm nearly 23 and I have nothing to show for it! I'm not pretty, I have no friends, no job and I am not trusted to go out by myself or even do the simplest things by myself like cooking... It's embarrassing to say the least and I know if it continues my life will continue to sink further into the ground.

I also feel like I'm becoming severely depressed. I've been depressed before but not like this, it feels worse now and I'm constantly experiencing bad thoughts which make me feel rubbish.

I dislike everything about who I am and I just want to go away. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

Parents

  • ((Sorry)) Sorry for not coming online for the last few days. Two hours after posting here my mum fell ill and was hospitalized so its been a bit of a panic here but I'm ok. Not feeling the best but reading your messages has made me feel good and less alone.

    ((Plastic)) I will try to talk to my eldest sister this afternoon when she gets back from the hospital. I have two brothers and a sister, we lost our dad a few years ago but I'm extremely close to my sister so I think it's best if I tell her how I'm feeling.

    Volunteering is a good idea. I'm not sure what I'd be good at though, I'm pretty useless at everything.

    ((Steve)) That's great that that worked for you. I like the term you used 'little pockets' of joy Slight smile Actually thinking about it I do have a few things which I want to work towards. I do a lot of art and would like to try and get better at it. Maybe that's a goal to work towards and can be one of my little pockets of joy?

    ((Aidie)) Thanks for the advice. I do need to get it sorted asap, so it is possible my sister will take me to the gp when we've spoken later. I also like the idea of trying some meditations from YouTube. If that could help reduce the stress and anxiety then that would be great.

    ((K)) Hey K thanks for your inspirational message. This has inspired me actually and now I'm definitely going to look at setting goals regarding my art. It's nothing special but around this time of year I draw Christmas scenes, like snowy villages and reindeer flying through the sky. I'm glad you get that feeling of accomplishment. You sound like a talented woman. 

    I'm sorry you're going through the same struggles as well. Don't put yourself down. You've inspired me today and as my sister often says everyone is beautiful inside and out Slight smile

    And you're definitely not alone with that feeling when you read books. I am exactly the same! It's a really special feeling I get when I read a book.

    ((Murmu)) It's not being treated yet and my family don't know, I intend to tell my sister today, but I do like your idea about writing sounds good to me. That sounds like a really positive thing to do. I can't think of anything at the moment, but I'm sure there's something I can write.

    I'm glad it made a positive difference for you, even if it didn't seem like it would at first. I'll let you know if it starts to work for me. I'm going to try and be a bit more active here Slight smile

  • in reply to EmmaGiggles

    Glad you came back and the fact that you are able to offer support to other people on this thread whilst struggling yourself shows me that you are a kind person. The world definitely needs more kind people like you. 

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