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Disappointed in myself

EmmaGiggles

I'm not sure if anyone else on the spectrum feels this way but I am so disappointed in myself and most of the time really hate who I am.

My name is Emma and I'm 22, nearly 23, and my life feels empty and pointless. I'm fortunate to have a loving and supportive family, they have always been there for me and I love them all more than anything.

But I hate myself and it's becoming a real problem. I've never liked myself since I was diagnosed and as I've got older that feeling has only gotten stronger. I'm nearly 23 and I have nothing to show for it! I'm not pretty, I have no friends, no job and I am not trusted to go out by myself or even do the simplest things by myself like cooking... It's embarrassing to say the least and I know if it continues my life will continue to sink further into the ground.

I also feel like I'm becoming severely depressed. I've been depressed before but not like this, it feels worse now and I'm constantly experiencing bad thoughts which make me feel rubbish.

I dislike everything about who I am and I just want to go away. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

Parents

  • is your depression being treated? I find it hard to remember sometimes when I am depressed that my thoughts are not necessarily true. So your depression is telling you these things but it does not mean it is true. Your family sound great - can you ask them why they love you if you can't think of any reasons to love yourself at the moment? Can you try and write down one good thing each day - just one for now and then once that becomes easier aim for three? I know the first time I was told to do this I thought it was a stupid idea but over time it does help me be a bit more positive. Part of ASD is feeling different I think - it is for me anyway - and that is really hard. But you have something in common with people on here already and your family love you. That's a starting place. I hope you can get some help for your depression - it is an illness and is not who you are even if it feels like it is in charge at the moment.

Reply

  • is your depression being treated? I find it hard to remember sometimes when I am depressed that my thoughts are not necessarily true. So your depression is telling you these things but it does not mean it is true. Your family sound great - can you ask them why they love you if you can't think of any reasons to love yourself at the moment? Can you try and write down one good thing each day - just one for now and then once that becomes easier aim for three? I know the first time I was told to do this I thought it was a stupid idea but over time it does help me be a bit more positive. Part of ASD is feeling different I think - it is for me anyway - and that is really hard. But you have something in common with people on here already and your family love you. That's a starting place. I hope you can get some help for your depression - it is an illness and is not who you are even if it feels like it is in charge at the moment.

Children
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