• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 78 subscribers
  • Views 1371 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Is it just me?

Deleted User

I think I'm on the spectrum. I love my partner dearly but as in any relationship there is friction. Since I have had the lightbulb moment of identifying with autism, I have been able to analyse miscommunication and friction so it doesn't escalate (as much) or have been able to understand why there have been difficulties. 

This is really trivial. My partner asked me a while ago to not leave crumbs on the kitchen worktop. That's a fair enough request and I've stuck by it as much as I remember to. He has since left crumbs several times. Knowing what I know about myself I have been trying to use humour so it doesn't escalate but today it did. There's often been a "yeah, but...." however today  I was met with "but crumbs don't bother you so you don't need to have a go at me". It was really frustrating.  I said I understood that but it's double standards. He said him leaving crumbs himself didn't bother him it was when I did it. I said it was a matter of principle and if you make these rules you yourself have to stick with them. I think instead of admitting fault, he was trying to wriggle out of it by saying these things.  I don't know if he meant it or just didn't want to admit liability. 

I used to work with a guy who wouldn't stick by his own rules and it was incredibly frustrating. No one else seemed to be bothered.

And I'm still wondering if I am on the spectrum. This is another example of a long list of things in my head where I feel I might be.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Oh okay then, yep double standards. 

  • Thank you for your replies. I just need to state for the record, I'm not questioning any problems within our relationship which need sorting out. It wasn't an argument, more a disagreement. There are no OCD or narcissistic or bullying tendencies at all within this person. And I am not saying this issue alone constitutes autism as there are many other factors which I am aware of, collectively together,  which might constitute it. The issue isn't the crumbs. It's the double standards. I wasn't sure if I was blowing things out of proportion or expecting too much. Or if others would say they agree with me. 

  • This might not be helpful but that sentence 'He said him leaving crumbs himself didn't bother him it was when I did it.' without the context of everything you two have been through and built together sounds like bullying, i would have to challenge why he expected more of me than himself. i think your totally right about the rule's if there is a need for someone to outline an expected behaviour then it is to say 'this is the correct way to behave in this situation' and therefore everyone in that situation should behave in that way. i dont think that this alone constitutes autism as i know from work experiences that this double standards behaviour would bother anyone..

     hope you find some answers.. don't think that just because you may be or are on the spectrum that you should be expected to live to different standards as anyone else, you set your own standards.

  • I have had very similar experiences as you with work colleagues and my dad off the top of my head. They mention a minor issue but are then hypocrtical and do it themselves or something along the same lines but worse. My boss used to do things like tell me off for minor things like not positioning symbols on my electrical designs to the top right hand corners because it doesn't look professional to clients, but then he sent out a report that a client was paying £7000 for with lots of spelling mistakes and grammar issues. He didn't even ask me to spell check for him. 

    I actually often think the same, who is the one in the wrong or with the issues here? In my opinion they have some narcisistic, OCD or control mental health issues.

  • The issue of the (rule) is difficult we do thing so the ones we love feel cared for, like leaving the place clean so they don't have to clean up after us. It's just wanting to make life better for both, people get caught breaking their own rules all the time. But we should not prode people when they do because we all live in glass house's. The real issue is why are you both arguing over crumbs is there a deeper trouble that you should be focusing but avoid because its awkward?