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Socializing

Hope

I am confused. I have been told by my support worker that she thinks I am very good at socializing and am skilled in this area, but believe me I am not!. It is all a fake. I told her this, that I put on an act and am really clueless, but she told me that everyone puts on an act in different situations and behaves more naturally with the nearest and dearest. However, I really can't believe that most people (apart from those with AS) face the same stress that socializing induces. My support worker is really nice and understanding, and I know she told me this in order to compliment me, but it only adds to my confusion.

My question is, Aspergers is defined as a problem with social skills, so if you are told your social skills are good, what does this mean? I think all of us with AS struggle with social skills, BUT, some of us, like myself, simply fake our personality and come across as better at socializing than we really are. It is all superficial. I am really very egocentric, and I admit that I am quite arrogant at times and look down on people who don't think the same way as I do or who don't follow the rules. I am so pedantic it is almost painful. But I keep quiet and don't tell people what I really think, apart from my parents!. People with AS are often described as tactless, which I can be, but most of the time I cover up my AS and am very polite, doing the thing that people expect instead of speaking my mind. This is why I 'pass for normal', because I am socially motivated enough to conform, more or less. But deep down, past my social exterior, I am emotionally immature, extremely narcissistic, and cannot compromise - I have to get my way.

I am seriously confused - who  am I really?

Parents

  • Hope - That is just awful what happened to you and that you gave up on drama, have you thought about going back into it/ finding a local theatre company?

    My daughter had a bad experience over the summer, we sent her to a workshop at a stage school a family friend's daughter works for, initially she liked it as she made friends with a girl who liked monster high (that is her major obsession). The first day it was all about dance and she loved it, she was excited about her second day as they were going to be taught drama, the teacher was apparently very mean, shouting at them for no reason and at one point said she was 'very unimpressed with their performance', that really knocked my daughter's confidence. Then on the final day when it was the performance for us parents my daughter had most of her lines stolen by one of the older kids, she told the teacher who told her to just get on with it. She was devastated and as soon as we got her out of there she broke down crying and was inconsolable for hours, they almost completely crushed her confidence and enthusiasm for the arts.

    I looked around and found another local stage school who were having an open day the following weekend so I booked her in to have a try at street dance and drama. She loved it so much and they were all so friendly she ended up staying for 4 hours trying out all sorts of dance styles and I knew it was a good place because even I felt at ease and was able to talk to the teachers/principal they were all so nice. We signed her up there and then and she's been doing tap dance, street dance, peformance troupe and musical theatre every week since. She's doing really well too, as I said the teachers were very impressed with and put her straight into grade 2 tap and level 3 street dance when she has no prior training and she is in the highest drama group with kids twice her age. She recently had her first audition and has been given one of the leading roles in their annual production, she's also going to be performing in the west end next spring with her performance troupe and they are supposed to be going to disneyland paris next year to perform. It's really really helped her alot not just with gaining her confidence again but also with social skills, turn taking, etc she's been going since the beginning of September and the difference is amazing. 

Reply

  • Hope - That is just awful what happened to you and that you gave up on drama, have you thought about going back into it/ finding a local theatre company?

    My daughter had a bad experience over the summer, we sent her to a workshop at a stage school a family friend's daughter works for, initially she liked it as she made friends with a girl who liked monster high (that is her major obsession). The first day it was all about dance and she loved it, she was excited about her second day as they were going to be taught drama, the teacher was apparently very mean, shouting at them for no reason and at one point said she was 'very unimpressed with their performance', that really knocked my daughter's confidence. Then on the final day when it was the performance for us parents my daughter had most of her lines stolen by one of the older kids, she told the teacher who told her to just get on with it. She was devastated and as soon as we got her out of there she broke down crying and was inconsolable for hours, they almost completely crushed her confidence and enthusiasm for the arts.

    I looked around and found another local stage school who were having an open day the following weekend so I booked her in to have a try at street dance and drama. She loved it so much and they were all so friendly she ended up staying for 4 hours trying out all sorts of dance styles and I knew it was a good place because even I felt at ease and was able to talk to the teachers/principal they were all so nice. We signed her up there and then and she's been doing tap dance, street dance, peformance troupe and musical theatre every week since. She's doing really well too, as I said the teachers were very impressed with and put her straight into grade 2 tap and level 3 street dance when she has no prior training and she is in the highest drama group with kids twice her age. She recently had her first audition and has been given one of the leading roles in their annual production, she's also going to be performing in the west end next spring with her performance troupe and they are supposed to be going to disneyland paris next year to perform. It's really really helped her alot not just with gaining her confidence again but also with social skills, turn taking, etc she's been going since the beginning of September and the difference is amazing. 

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