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Socializing

Hope

I am confused. I have been told by my support worker that she thinks I am very good at socializing and am skilled in this area, but believe me I am not!. It is all a fake. I told her this, that I put on an act and am really clueless, but she told me that everyone puts on an act in different situations and behaves more naturally with the nearest and dearest. However, I really can't believe that most people (apart from those with AS) face the same stress that socializing induces. My support worker is really nice and understanding, and I know she told me this in order to compliment me, but it only adds to my confusion.

My question is, Aspergers is defined as a problem with social skills, so if you are told your social skills are good, what does this mean? I think all of us with AS struggle with social skills, BUT, some of us, like myself, simply fake our personality and come across as better at socializing than we really are. It is all superficial. I am really very egocentric, and I admit that I am quite arrogant at times and look down on people who don't think the same way as I do or who don't follow the rules. I am so pedantic it is almost painful. But I keep quiet and don't tell people what I really think, apart from my parents!. People with AS are often described as tactless, which I can be, but most of the time I cover up my AS and am very polite, doing the thing that people expect instead of speaking my mind. This is why I 'pass for normal', because I am socially motivated enough to conform, more or less. But deep down, past my social exterior, I am emotionally immature, extremely narcissistic, and cannot compromise - I have to get my way.

I am seriously confused - who  am I really?

Parents

  • Azaezl:  Your daughter sounds similar to how I was at that age. It is great that she has been given the chance to be creative and to act. Sadly, when I was at school, I was never picked for roles in Nativity plays or other school dramas. The key roles always went to the most popular children in the school, and because for a long time I was not confident enough to put my hand up and ask for things, I was left out. When I went to secondary school, this trend continued. I was the 'shy girl', always alone in the play-ground, quietly keeping to myself in the class, being nice and polite, so no-one took any interest in me.

    Then, as I grew older, I became more rebellious, and started to misbehave in some lessons. I would say silly things and make up vulgar stories, such as telling everyone that I had had sex with my dog !. I did this to get attention, but I got into serious trouble when my Dad, who was a teacher, got phoned up by a girl's mother, telling him what I had said. My Dad was very worried because these stories, which were completely untrue, could have put his job in danger.

    So I was a strange contradiction: outspoken and badly behaved in some classes, a goody-goody in others. But still I was ignored. I had friends in year 7, but they all left me.

    I matured after I did my GCSEs , and actually took drama as an AS level, getting a C grade. I wanted to do drama because no-one had let me do it in the past. I never experienced stage-fright or anxiety when in the  spot-light, but I burst into tears when a very popular girl criticised me for not standing in the right place on the stage. She kept on  criticising me and this dented my self-esteem and meant that I gave up drama for A levels proper. I am not that into acting, but I love lecturing and talking to groups of people, because I am the centre of attention.

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  • Azaezl:  Your daughter sounds similar to how I was at that age. It is great that she has been given the chance to be creative and to act. Sadly, when I was at school, I was never picked for roles in Nativity plays or other school dramas. The key roles always went to the most popular children in the school, and because for a long time I was not confident enough to put my hand up and ask for things, I was left out. When I went to secondary school, this trend continued. I was the 'shy girl', always alone in the play-ground, quietly keeping to myself in the class, being nice and polite, so no-one took any interest in me.

    Then, as I grew older, I became more rebellious, and started to misbehave in some lessons. I would say silly things and make up vulgar stories, such as telling everyone that I had had sex with my dog !. I did this to get attention, but I got into serious trouble when my Dad, who was a teacher, got phoned up by a girl's mother, telling him what I had said. My Dad was very worried because these stories, which were completely untrue, could have put his job in danger.

    So I was a strange contradiction: outspoken and badly behaved in some classes, a goody-goody in others. But still I was ignored. I had friends in year 7, but they all left me.

    I matured after I did my GCSEs , and actually took drama as an AS level, getting a C grade. I wanted to do drama because no-one had let me do it in the past. I never experienced stage-fright or anxiety when in the  spot-light, but I burst into tears when a very popular girl criticised me for not standing in the right place on the stage. She kept on  criticising me and this dented my self-esteem and meant that I gave up drama for A levels proper. I am not that into acting, but I love lecturing and talking to groups of people, because I am the centre of attention.

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