• Replies 24 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 6811 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Socializing

Hope

I am confused. I have been told by my support worker that she thinks I am very good at socializing and am skilled in this area, but believe me I am not!. It is all a fake. I told her this, that I put on an act and am really clueless, but she told me that everyone puts on an act in different situations and behaves more naturally with the nearest and dearest. However, I really can't believe that most people (apart from those with AS) face the same stress that socializing induces. My support worker is really nice and understanding, and I know she told me this in order to compliment me, but it only adds to my confusion.

My question is, Aspergers is defined as a problem with social skills, so if you are told your social skills are good, what does this mean? I think all of us with AS struggle with social skills, BUT, some of us, like myself, simply fake our personality and come across as better at socializing than we really are. It is all superficial. I am really very egocentric, and I admit that I am quite arrogant at times and look down on people who don't think the same way as I do or who don't follow the rules. I am so pedantic it is almost painful. But I keep quiet and don't tell people what I really think, apart from my parents!. People with AS are often described as tactless, which I can be, but most of the time I cover up my AS and am very polite, doing the thing that people expect instead of speaking my mind. This is why I 'pass for normal', because I am socially motivated enough to conform, more or less. But deep down, past my social exterior, I am emotionally immature, extremely narcissistic, and cannot compromise - I have to get my way.

I am seriously confused - who  am I really?

Parents

  • Hope said:

    With regard to social skills, I agree that the definition is incredibly blurry, which is why the diagnostic description that people with AS lack social skills is very simplistic and depends on what you mean by a social skill!. As you argue, simply causing no trouble and attempting to fit in, however hard this is, suggests a certain social awareness that many people with higher functioning AS have. This is why AS is a spectrum condition, and so it is not true that all people with AS don't have ANY social skills at all!

    People on the higher functioning end of the spectrum can have social skills, but they are learned, not natural.  It's a constant effort to follow a conversation, concentrate on what people are saying, think about what they mean and come up with a suitable response, and extremely tiring. Social awareness comes with a need to interract with society, but this again, is learned and not natural. Most people's knowledge about ADS is limited by what they see in the media, which is in most cases an exaggerated or distorted interpretation of the reality.  Mention "autistic" and everyone thinks "Rainman" so that's why people are surprised when an autistic person seems to be "normal" to them. People at the higher end of the spectrum have often had a hard time, been bullied at school and have learned not to draw attention to themselves, and therefore have a good incentive to develop coping skills. This is especially true of women, it is now fairly well documented that women on the spectrum are better at developing coping skills than their male counterparts, and are more likely to have learned some social skills.  This is why many women aren't diagnosed until later in life.

Reply

  • Hope said:

    With regard to social skills, I agree that the definition is incredibly blurry, which is why the diagnostic description that people with AS lack social skills is very simplistic and depends on what you mean by a social skill!. As you argue, simply causing no trouble and attempting to fit in, however hard this is, suggests a certain social awareness that many people with higher functioning AS have. This is why AS is a spectrum condition, and so it is not true that all people with AS don't have ANY social skills at all!

    People on the higher functioning end of the spectrum can have social skills, but they are learned, not natural.  It's a constant effort to follow a conversation, concentrate on what people are saying, think about what they mean and come up with a suitable response, and extremely tiring. Social awareness comes with a need to interract with society, but this again, is learned and not natural. Most people's knowledge about ADS is limited by what they see in the media, which is in most cases an exaggerated or distorted interpretation of the reality.  Mention "autistic" and everyone thinks "Rainman" so that's why people are surprised when an autistic person seems to be "normal" to them. People at the higher end of the spectrum have often had a hard time, been bullied at school and have learned not to draw attention to themselves, and therefore have a good incentive to develop coping skills. This is especially true of women, it is now fairly well documented that women on the spectrum are better at developing coping skills than their male counterparts, and are more likely to have learned some social skills.  This is why many women aren't diagnosed until later in life.

Children
No Data