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Socializing

Hope

I am confused. I have been told by my support worker that she thinks I am very good at socializing and am skilled in this area, but believe me I am not!. It is all a fake. I told her this, that I put on an act and am really clueless, but she told me that everyone puts on an act in different situations and behaves more naturally with the nearest and dearest. However, I really can't believe that most people (apart from those with AS) face the same stress that socializing induces. My support worker is really nice and understanding, and I know she told me this in order to compliment me, but it only adds to my confusion.

My question is, Aspergers is defined as a problem with social skills, so if you are told your social skills are good, what does this mean? I think all of us with AS struggle with social skills, BUT, some of us, like myself, simply fake our personality and come across as better at socializing than we really are. It is all superficial. I am really very egocentric, and I admit that I am quite arrogant at times and look down on people who don't think the same way as I do or who don't follow the rules. I am so pedantic it is almost painful. But I keep quiet and don't tell people what I really think, apart from my parents!. People with AS are often described as tactless, which I can be, but most of the time I cover up my AS and am very polite, doing the thing that people expect instead of speaking my mind. This is why I 'pass for normal', because I am socially motivated enough to conform, more or less. But deep down, past my social exterior, I am emotionally immature, extremely narcissistic, and cannot compromise - I have to get my way.

I am seriously confused - who  am I really?

Parents

  • Hope your description of yourself in your first post is my daughter to the letter. She has learned how to socialise by copying, she is an exceptional actress, she is enrolled in a stage school and the principal and teachers are all astounded by how well she can act for her age, they have all said that she has the acting skills of someone twice her age and why? because she's been acting all of her life.

    When my daughter was a toddler she would not look at anybody except myself, her father and her two grandmother's. Then she started pre-school and it took the staff many months to get her to play with the other kids and interact in a typical way. She learnt how to copy the other children from a young age so she can be included. If she's put into an unfamiliar social situation she will watch the other kids carefully, laughing when they do (but a second or two later) she copies every move they make, it's extraordinary to watch. It's been both a good and bad thing for her, it's good because she has always had friends from a young age and is able to cope alot better then I think she would have had she not developed her copying skill. It has it's downside because the medical professionals and her teachers are missing the subtle differences she dispalys socially. So yes she has friends but they don't get to hear almost daily of problems she's had with them, misunderstandings, miscommunications etc and when she just outright does not understand a situation or a joke or whatever.

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  • Hope your description of yourself in your first post is my daughter to the letter. She has learned how to socialise by copying, she is an exceptional actress, she is enrolled in a stage school and the principal and teachers are all astounded by how well she can act for her age, they have all said that she has the acting skills of someone twice her age and why? because she's been acting all of her life.

    When my daughter was a toddler she would not look at anybody except myself, her father and her two grandmother's. Then she started pre-school and it took the staff many months to get her to play with the other kids and interact in a typical way. She learnt how to copy the other children from a young age so she can be included. If she's put into an unfamiliar social situation she will watch the other kids carefully, laughing when they do (but a second or two later) she copies every move they make, it's extraordinary to watch. It's been both a good and bad thing for her, it's good because she has always had friends from a young age and is able to cope alot better then I think she would have had she not developed her copying skill. It has it's downside because the medical professionals and her teachers are missing the subtle differences she dispalys socially. So yes she has friends but they don't get to hear almost daily of problems she's had with them, misunderstandings, miscommunications etc and when she just outright does not understand a situation or a joke or whatever.

Children
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