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After a lifetime of masking, how do I unmask?

mouse2
over 4 years ago

After a lifetime of copying people to fit in (without realising) how do I stop? How do I find the real me? I feel exhausted right now. I've been reading about ASD in women and wow do I mask alot depending on the situation. I feel I dont know who I am after nearly 40 years masking. I wish that I could be like my don, he is who he is and that's that. Anyone else experienced this with masking?

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    I didn't know what masking was for most of my life, but I realise now that I do it all the time, and just becoming aware of that hasn't helped me to stop doing it. However, I am on a very long waiting list to find out whether I have Asperger's syndrome in the first place, so I've been reading self help books while I wait, about anxiety and depression as well as autism.

    Recently I've been reading  books by Sarah Knight, but if you are offended by swearing you would be put off by the titles, not to mention the contents. She has written "The life changing magic of not giving a f**k", "Get your s**t together", "You do you" and "Calm the f**k down". They aren't aimed at people with autism particularly, but at anyone who is trapped in a cycle of doing what other people expect of them to the point of emotional self harm. And in spite of what it might sound like, she isn't advocating becoming a selfish person or a psychopath, just restoring a healthy balance.

    I personally have found her sweary and humorous style more readable than a lot of other self help books I've tried, and I would recommend them to others, but she might be an acquired taste to some.

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    I didn't know what masking was for most of my life, but I realise now that I do it all the time, and just becoming aware of that hasn't helped me to stop doing it. However, I am on a very long waiting list to find out whether I have Asperger's syndrome in the first place, so I've been reading self help books while I wait, about anxiety and depression as well as autism.

    Recently I've been reading  books by Sarah Knight, but if you are offended by swearing you would be put off by the titles, not to mention the contents. She has written "The life changing magic of not giving a f**k", "Get your s**t together", "You do you" and "Calm the f**k down". They aren't aimed at people with autism particularly, but at anyone who is trapped in a cycle of doing what other people expect of them to the point of emotional self harm. And in spite of what it might sound like, she isn't advocating becoming a selfish person or a psychopath, just restoring a healthy balance.

    I personally have found her sweary and humorous style more readable than a lot of other self help books I've tried, and I would recommend them to others, but she might be an acquired taste to some.

Children
  • over 4 years ago in reply to Misheard Lyrics

    Hi Orinoco, Im 38 and theres a five year plus waiting list. My GP is amazing with ASD and (as well as a few other professionals) has mentioned that I very probably have autism /aspergers. So it was only this last year really that I realised oh wow i do x y and z that others don't do, which included masking. So I'm finding my feet a little as I feel lost. I hope you get your help sooner than 5 years! I will look into the books, thank you for the recomendations