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Anyone understand "Banter"

mars36

I work in a male dominated industry and maybe this also applies to more mixed or female work places too but most of my colleagues indulge in "banter" where they trade ever increasing insults to the point where I am cringing with embarrassment ,I say this as an observer I stay well clear of any of this and have no wish to ever do so  for fear of saying the wrong thing ,I listen sometimes and think they have really crossed the line this time but no offence is taken ,but I would be always be thinking I had  upset someone even if it appeared I had not, occasionally someone will try to do this to me and I just do not know how to respond usually its someone who does not know me those that know me don't bother, I get the humour behind it all but  this to me is a hidden mine field of invisible trip wires and have no idea what the rules are so as I say stay well clear of it ,but does any one else have this experience particularly the cringing embarrassment .    

Parents

  • I changed department at work and moved into an open-plan office that was all male.    

    I felt very different - I always wore shirt & tie - they were in  casual wear, some were in boiler-suits.     They traded insults and animal noises to each other.    Sometimes random quotes from films got shouted.   It was very weird.

    It was just like being in a very noisy monkey-house in a zoo.   I really didn't fit in.   

    I studied their behaviour and noticed that any new-starters were exactly copying the behaviours within 6 months.  I could see the desperate need for them to fit in and be accepted by the troupe.

    I could have joined in and faked it very easily - but the whole thing stunk of social control and power-games.     I deliberately didn't play to see what happened.     

    They treated me with kid gloves - they had no idea how to treat this outsider within their midst that didn't obey the social norms.    I found it interesting how anyone coming into the office homed in on me as I looked the most professional - they thought I was in charge.     The others clearly hated that..   Smiley

    I ramped it up slightly by adhering to the clear-desk policy - everyone else had piles of junk on their desk - I went for utter minimalism.   Smiley

    It was a fascinating social experiment........   Smiley

  • in reply to Plastic

    Interesting that you also dressed smart, acted professional when others didnt. I also did this in recruitment (awful job btw) and I got ridiculed by the owner and manager. I also didnt understand the banter. I tried to fit in with it but obviously said the wrong things at the wrong times. I just dont understand it all. They made life hard for me until I felt I could take no more and I left. I dont understand the ridicule. Now I know why I dont understand them I no longer try and am trying to find me

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  • in reply to Plastic

    Interesting that you also dressed smart, acted professional when others didnt. I also did this in recruitment (awful job btw) and I got ridiculed by the owner and manager. I also didnt understand the banter. I tried to fit in with it but obviously said the wrong things at the wrong times. I just dont understand it all. They made life hard for me until I felt I could take no more and I left. I dont understand the ridicule. Now I know why I dont understand them I no longer try and am trying to find me

Children