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Do you reciprocate disproportionately with friends/colleagues/partners?

Nessie

I've always had a tendency to either over- or under-do it when it comes to reciprocation. For example, often I am so grateful that someone has been even vaguely nice to me that I'll buy them a gift when probably a simple 'thank you' would suffice. Similarly, in romantic relationships in the past, I've found myself feeling so grateful to the other person for 'putting up with me' that I've 'put up' with sleeping with them even though I don't want to (I've since realised I'm asexual). Alternatively, I'll find I pay for everything so I won't feel that I 'owe' anyone anything.

Obviously a big part of it comes down to terribly low self-esteem (and after decades of bullying as an undiagnosed autie, that's not surprising), but I also think I often misjudge the situation and, rather than seem rude, I go too far the other way. I've been thinking about it a lot today because I'm trying to come up with a guest list for our wedding and realised the 'friends' I have on my list fall into this category rather than being valued relationships that I actually wish to continue, nurture or sustain in some way.

Do you reciprocate disproportionately? If so, do you have any tips on how to find the right balance? Thanks ever.

Parents

  • Yes I feel the way you do as well. I often come across as rude because of my reaction to certain things, such as someone bringing me a drink or buying me a present. The reason for this is because I then know I I've got to do a kind gesture for the person, like buying them a drink or present. So often I'll say "Thank you" or something like "Oh your shouldn't have". I know this comes across as rude but I can't help it. I don't see it as being rude.

    I am useless with relationships - why I'm still single - and don't know how to act around others.

    I wish I could give you advice or help with this but it is a problem for me as well so I'm afraid I'll be useless to you.

    Isa x

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  • Yes I feel the way you do as well. I often come across as rude because of my reaction to certain things, such as someone bringing me a drink or buying me a present. The reason for this is because I then know I I've got to do a kind gesture for the person, like buying them a drink or present. So often I'll say "Thank you" or something like "Oh your shouldn't have". I know this comes across as rude but I can't help it. I don't see it as being rude.

    I am useless with relationships - why I'm still single - and don't know how to act around others.

    I wish I could give you advice or help with this but it is a problem for me as well so I'm afraid I'll be useless to you.

    Isa x

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