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Telling an old partner about diagnosis.

Matt

Hey everyone, just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation. My partner and I split a couple of months back, a mutual decision. 

For context we'd both been going through a troubling time in our own personal lives, for myself I had had a burst of stimming after having my seconded severe meltdown (which freaked us both out) I was worrying what was wrong with my and had no Idea I had ASD (which since been diagnosed).

We decided to part ways because (more so my partner) was incredibly worried that their issues were hurting me and that we didn't want to end up hurting each other but have time apart to heal, without adding any additional pressure. We were always very close and open but what happened to me scared me and I didn't have an answer.

It was left to me to arrange a catch up but since I've been diagnosed I'm a little worried about how to approach it. Part of me feels as though I owe an explanation so that they don't feel as though it was their fault, but at the same time I don't want to come across as using ASD as an excuse which it most certainly isn't.

Before I make a decision I know I need to have a more eclectic understanding and be comfortable with the diagnosis. I'm well on my way as straight away it genuinely felt like a missing piece of the puzzle was found.

Parents

  • I sometimes wonder about trying to reconnect with old acquaintances to tell them about my diagnosis and explain my past behaviour. Ultimately, I think though, to what end? There are a couple of people from my past who I think I could be friends with if they knew, but I really struggle to socialise so suspect it would only lead to another fake friendship to maintain, which I find exhausting. I think it's more about not wanting people to think badly of me or have been left with the wrong impression of me, when, in reality, I doubt they ever think of me at all.

    You're in a different situation because it sounds like you're still on good terms and the communication channels are still open; plus, having been in a romantic relationship I would think you were necessarily closer anyway. I'm sure if your ex is interested in catching up with you, then they will also be interested in hearing the news of your diagnosis too. However, if, when you reach out, they no longer want to meet up, then you probably have your answer. Of course, they might also have made some progress with their issues and might want to share that news with you too. Right now, it doesn't sound like you have much to lose by telling them, and it might feel good to share it with someone who you know cares/cared about you.

  • in reply to Nessie

    Thanks for the reply! I understand exactly where you're coming from, there are a few people in my life that I do wonder what the point in telling them is, and there isn't. At all!

    We've cut a lot of communication, social media, constant contact, but we're still very civil. 

    I think the main thing to take from what everyone has said is to just be myself and make sure I'm comfortable with whatever decision I make,

    It's been really helpful posting on here, the replies have definitely made me feel less like an alien!

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  • in reply to Nessie

    Thanks for the reply! I understand exactly where you're coming from, there are a few people in my life that I do wonder what the point in telling them is, and there isn't. At all!

    We've cut a lot of communication, social media, constant contact, but we're still very civil. 

    I think the main thing to take from what everyone has said is to just be myself and make sure I'm comfortable with whatever decision I make,

    It's been really helpful posting on here, the replies have definitely made me feel less like an alien!

Children
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