Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
As with probably most people on here public transport is a no go. I also cannot stand being in a car with other people as I am not in control and constantly anxious plus the fact I am stuck with whatever noise they decide to generate. I think the desire to be alone has pushed me towards motorcycles and I do actually really like bikes regardless.
When I get on my bike all my anxiety seems to dissipate. It is just me and this machine working in harmony. Still, I can't help but feel incredibly lonely. I know there are bike groups around me that meet up and go on ride-outs but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't handle the chit chat, the hanging around. I could probably handle the riding around in a group bit but that's it.
I also cannot go exploring as a lot of bikers do. If I do not know the route I am on like the back of my hand I get real panicky so I end up riding the same routes over and over and I constantly worry in the back of my mind 'what if something goes wrong' so I never go far.
I know a lot of this is anxiety, but I have been trying to expose myself to my fears throughout my life and even been for CBT and I am just as anxious now as I was at 15. I feel like I should just stop trying and accept I am someone that is probably always going to be doing stuff alone. I'm just getting sick of being alone all the time but I cannot see a way out of it. I hate being alone but also hate being around people. I don't think I have a question I just needed to say stuff.
Thanks
Greetings. "Getting things off One's chest", or a nice calm "rant", is what this Forum is for. Good on You, and wanting to be alone is also common and there is nothing wrong with that. You can sometimes veer off from usual routes to build up exploring, also.