Published on 12, July, 2020
So last night I realised the possible cause of an issue I experience with my wife but have no idea how to conquer it.
I really struggle with just kissing and don’t do it that often, I find if I kiss my wife it will lead to the feelings of wanting more and if she says no (which she’s very much entitled to and is normal to say no because who’s wants it all the time right lol) I feel very rejected, and this feels horrible! I then start feeling unloved and that she’s not interested (doubt that’s the case) which leads to me being even more withdrawn and less intimate.
I’ve posted a little while ago with the issues of not letting people get close to me out of fear of being hurt and find that this new revelation contributes to this issue even more. I just don’t know what to do, it’s like I want to feel emotion good or bad in regards to my wife but emotions confuse me and cause distress, my own and others, and I tend to subconscious shut my self off to them to the best of my ability.
This results in a very lonely existence,
I feel I must add that I’m aspergers and the wife is NT. Don’t know if that’ll make a difference or not though.
The simple fix is open communication - if all the conversations are going on inside your heads than neither of you will be getting what you want.
Just chatting about how you feel can clear up a lot of mysteries & anxiety - and make your interactions smoother.
Thank you for your advice, I will definitely try but talking is difficult especially to my wife(I know, strange right) I think it’s because I have this image of the perfect man for her and opening up to issues tarnishes it if that makes sense.
Then write her an e-mail - a love letter if you will - talk about fantasies and what you both would actually like to explore and how things could be - then make it reality.