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Intimacy issues with just kissing

Whats-His-Face
over 4 years ago

So last night I realised the possible cause of an issue I experience with my wife but have no idea how to conquer it. 

I really struggle with just kissing and don’t do it that often, I find if I kiss my wife it will lead to the feelings of wanting more and if she says no (which she’s very much entitled to and is normal to say no because who’s wants it all the time right lol) I feel very rejected, and this feels horrible! I then start feeling unloved and that she’s not interested (doubt that’s the case) which leads to me being even more withdrawn and less intimate. 

I’ve posted a little while ago with the issues of not letting people get close to me out of fear of being hurt and find that this new revelation contributes to this issue even more. I just don’t know what to do, it’s like I want to feel emotion good or bad in regards to my wife but emotions confuse me and cause distress, my own and others, and I tend to subconscious shut my self off to them to the best of my ability. 

This results in a very lonely existence, 

I feel I must add that I’m aspergers and the wife is NT. Don’t know if that’ll make a difference or not though. 

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    I'm the same to be honest, but then I simply don't initiate anything intimate anymore. The trouble with this policy, is that everthing is determined by my wife, whether I'm in the mood or not and just have except that if she gets "fruity" then I have to go with the flow, because i wont know when the next time will happen :(

  • over 4 years ago in reply to JohnS

    Same here. I have on occasion been quite resentful of the fact that Intimacy = (I want AND she wants) OR (she wants). Thankfully (I think!) a combination of age, antidepressants and acceptance have resulted in this becoming less of an issue for me - in a nice way i.e. a combination of feeling less frustrated and realising that I value so much more than the physical side of my marriage.

    Oddly, and this is why I came to this thread, I now don't really fancy kissing or much else nowadays really - it feels kind of a weird thing to do. Which is sad, because I used to think it was one of the best things on Earth as a teenager. Hey ho.

Reply
  • over 4 years ago in reply to JohnS

    Same here. I have on occasion been quite resentful of the fact that Intimacy = (I want AND she wants) OR (she wants). Thankfully (I think!) a combination of age, antidepressants and acceptance have resulted in this becoming less of an issue for me - in a nice way i.e. a combination of feeling less frustrated and realising that I value so much more than the physical side of my marriage.

    Oddly, and this is why I came to this thread, I now don't really fancy kissing or much else nowadays really - it feels kind of a weird thing to do. Which is sad, because I used to think it was one of the best things on Earth as a teenager. Hey ho.

Children